


Seven Awkward Gems

by Milky_Boy_Blue



Series: Second Summer [5]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adventure, Emotions, Fairies, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gnomes, Magic, Quests, Seven Deadly Sins, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-12 20:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19952035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milky_Boy_Blue/pseuds/Milky_Boy_Blue
Summary: Looking for something to give to Soos and Melody for their wedding day, Dipper, Mabel and their friends come across a fairy princess in need of help, offering magical gems in exchange.  But as is so often the case in Gravity Falls, things are not as they appear and this adventure won't be as simple as they first thought, especially not when revenge is involved.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Author’s note: You know, there has been way more angst in these stories than I originally intended. I’ve already dealt with death, guilt, a murderous cult, extreme identity theft, depression...and things are only going to get tougher as the twins grow older and more mature and their enemies more brutal. Clearly I have some issues I need to work out. I mean, this was a kids show! I thought I’d just write some fun, silly stories and only get serious occasionally. What happened!? Why am I so cruel to Mabel? Why do I have so many people hate Wendy? I like Mabel and Wendy, you think I’d give them a break! _

_ Which is what I’m doing. Let’s try a story with a little less angst just for a breather. Hopefully no tear jerk moments in this fic, just a little side story before the sorceress returns. This also marks the half-way point for my stories about that second summer. And it’s almost August. I started this in December and I’ve only just reached the halfway point? Of the first year!? I have stories planned for three more years after this! *Sighs deeply.* Man, I really need to take my finger out. I’ve heard homeless people have plenty of spare time. Worth a shot, I suppose... _

* * *

“Isn’t nature great?” asked Mabel, pushing a branch out of her way.

“Not really,” Pacifica grunted as that same branch smacked her in the face.

“Either stay side by side or five steps back in the thickets,” Dipper advised her.

“Perhaps we should have asked to borrow Wendy’s axe?” Candy suggested. “We are now all teenagers, we could be responsible.”

“Yeah!” agreed Grenda, pushing a path at the front. “That would make it so easy.” She picked up a heavy branch and started swinging it in front of her. “Swing! Swing! Swi-oops.”

The branch flew from her fingers and through the air, disappearing from view as they heard a cry of pain in the distance.

“Yo dawg, the trees are attacking again!”

“Aw babe, it’s ‘cause I didn’t call, right? I’m sorry, girl, I just ain’t got a phone no more!”

“Aw Greggy G, you done disrespected a lady and now they’re after all of us!”

“Yo, we need to make an apology song to show we still respect the girls!”

“Let’s do it, yo! To the cave!”

Thee teenagers watched as five near-perfect half-naked young men scampered through the woods, some on all fours, retreating to the safety of wherever it was they lived now.

“I’m so happy they didn’t die horrible deaths,” Candy sighed. “That would be such a waste.”

“Not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed I missed that adventure,” said Dipper, shaking his head at the former pop stars.

“Look how beautiful they are,” Mabel murmured with awe as Candy, Grenda and even a hesitant Pacifica nodded in agreement. “So beautiful. I love coming out here, seeing the sights of the natural world.”

“There was nothing natural about that,” Pacifica commented.

“So peaceful,” Mabel continued, ignoring her. “Tranquil. Makes you kind of want to burst into song, doesn’t it?”

“No,” Dipper and Pacifica said together.

“ Lollipop lollipop,” sang Mabel, bouncing her head pleasantly.

“Oh lolli lolli lolli, lollipop, lollipop

Oh lolli lolli lolli, lolli-”

“Why are we here?” Pacifica said very loudly.

“To find a gift for Soos and Melody’s wedding,” Grenda said, turning to her with a frown. “Don’t you remember? I mean, I know people’s minds tend to wander when they get older but-”

“I’m only four months older than these two!” Pacifica snapped, nodding towards the twins. “I meant, why are we in the middle of the woods? When you asked for my help I assumed you meant a trip to the mall like normal people.”

“We’re going to see if there’s any magical artefacts or something,” Dipper explained, pulling out a map that showed where the territories of the different magical creatures began and ended. “Grunkle Ford said the enchanted forest is littered with the things and that the different magical creatures will basically give them away if you complete a quest for them. You know, rescue their leader from trolls, make a peace treaty, build a fence to keep foxes out, that kind of thing. I thought it would be cool to have an adventure and save us gift shopping at the same time. We can try the gnomes first, we have the most history with them. But we’re also near the fairies so we can try them next if things don’t work out with the gnomes. Er, if anything flies near you then double-check it’s really a bug before you slap it. Don’t want to start a diplomatic incident or whatever.”

“Right,” said Pacifica, climbing over a log and wishing she’d worn more appropriate clothes. “So why isn’t Wendy here if it’s outdoors and potentially dangerous? ”

“Come on, Pacifica, it’s not like we have to invite Wendy to everything! Sometimes it’s nice to have an adventure with just you,” Mabel said.

“Oh,” said Pacifica, pleased by that answer.

“Besides, Wendy couldn’t get the time off work.”

“Oh,” said Pacifica, annoyed by that comment.

“Yeah, it’s fun to have an adventure with just us girls,” Grenda said.

“Hey!” snapped Dipper.

“Don’t worry, Dipper,” Candy said, patting his arm. “We discussed and it and agreed that you are an honorary girl. That way you can still be included.”

“I don’t want to be an honorary girl,” Dipper grunted.

“Why not?” asked Grenda, pausing to face him. “Wendy’s said she’s one of the guys. Why is that okay but it’s not okay for a guy to be one of the girls?”

“I…” Dipper hesitated as he suddenly became aware that he was outnumbered four to one, all of the girls stopping to stare at him. “Uh...there’s no way  I can give a right answer to that, is there?” He cleared his throat. “Let’s just keep walking,” he said, pushing ahead as the woods became less dense. “I want to get back to the Shack for lunch.”

“Maybe this will be fun,” Pacifica grinned, the others sniggering as the honorary girl  made his way deeper into the woods. 

Above them, someone watched them from branches, narrowing his eyes at the group and growled as he remembered what he had been through. He thought about what he had overheard and a plan began to form in his mind. He grinned as he leapt from tree to tree, looking forward to finally getting revenge.

The group continued their journey further into the woods, the others explaining to Pacifica some of the adventures they had in the past, especially with the gnomes. The last time any of them had seen a gnome was when they had tried to rescue Dipper from the Manotaurs and the race of small, bearded people had tried to kidnap Wendy and Pacifica, hoping one of them would be their new queen. Even for gnomes that was pretty stupid but they were getting desperate.

“Maybe we can find a new queen for them?” Candy suggested thoughtfully. “Have a test for the gnome women or something?”

“Well what do gnomes like in their queens?” Grenda asked. “If they went after Mabel, Wendy and Pacifica does that mean they like their queens tall?”

“Um, actually they like their queens with big beards,” said Dipper. “But I guess they had to go with girls with long hair when they couldn’t find any among their own kind.”

“Yeah, I guess bearded ladies are hard to find,” Pacifica nodded.

“Um, not really,” Dipper explained. “All gnomes have beards. Even babies. But apparently all of the women and even some of the men have started to shave in the last few years. Ford thinks it’s either some kind of women’s rights movement or a way of mimicking human society in the hopes of being more powerful in the forest. Personally, I think it’s a survival trait. Their queens keep getting eaten because their royal diets make them more tasty to predators and if they don’t have enough hair then they can’t be queen. Besides, who would really want to be responsible for literally everything in the forest? I mean, wouldn’t you rather do something else with your life than settle every argument and dispute yourself for every day of your life?”

“Sounds boring,” Mabel agreed. “I mean, I’m sure I could come up with some fun laws but not every day. Even Supreme Queen Mabel would need the weekends off of else she’d become Ultimate Dictator Mabel from the stress. Which admittedly sounds fun, sure, but I think Dad would be a bit disappointed. Mom might be proud, though…”

“Yeah, well they seem to be leaving humans alone now but be on your guard,” Dipper warned them. “Gnomes might be dumb but they can be stubborn and there’s a lot of them. And watch out for feral gnomes. They only tend to live in the deeper part of the forest but you could find the odd one in the outskirts. Their bites make you slowly get hairier and shorter for the rest of your life. Which it our age could make things pretty awkward.”

“And you’re awkward enough,” Mabel grinned. “And I thought you wanted more body hair?”

Dipper chuckled. “Okay, sure, the hair would be pretty nice for me but there’s some roller coasters I’d really like to go on when I’m older.”

“I agree,” Candy smiled. “I would also like to grow a bit more.”

“Marius says that I’m already perfect and even if I get bigger then it’ll just mean there’s more of me to love!” Grenda declared proudly.

Pacifica opened her mouth but quickly closed it, hoping that statement didn’t mean what she thought it did. Probably best to assume the couple was just as innocent and happy as she wished they were.

The teens continued walking for over an hour, Dipper telling the others about some of the magical and natural creatures and flora, information he had learned from conversations with Ford and Wendy. Of course, Mabel had also been present for most of these conversations but Dipper had paid more attention when it came to the less cute animals and had retained the information better. Besides, Mabel liked to see how passionate her brother became when explaining some of the wonders of the woods and, while lacking his sister’s flare, he was still a pretty good teacher. They only stopped when the heard something ahead and they carefully approached a clearing with a large tree in the centre and a fairy flying at the bottom of the trunk, uttering cries of woe.

“Woe!” cried the delicate blonde fairy in distress, the back of her hand over her forehead as her tiny wings flapped like a hummingbird’s. “Woe! Oh, woe is me! Is there no one who could help me in my time of need?”

“Well that was even easier than normal,” Dipper muttered as the young teens moved closer to the miniscule woman.

“Hark!” cried the fairy, cupping a hand to a pointed ear. “I hear someone draw near! Perhaps they can assist me with my vexation. ”

“Well, obviously, we’re right in front of you and we’re not exactly quiet,” Pacifica muttered. “And did you really just say ‘hark’?”

“Oh tiny winged person who talks funny,” Mabel said, approaching her carefully. “We are a small group of adventurers. We are on a journey to help any wayward creatures in need of our help. So what’s up?”

“Alas!” cried the fairy, shaking her head sadly. “I am Lillyfillia, Princess of the fairies! The Queen, my beloved mother, has passed away and I am to take the throne. However, in order to do this, I must first pass the trials to prove that I am worthy! And while I have accomplished most, the final one is bring back the purest fruit from the sacred tree. But in my haste to complete my tasks, I left my knife in my quarters! I cannot return there and reveal to my people that I left my knife behind, how could they ever trust such a silly queen? Oh, what am I to do?” she wailed, putting her head in her hands.

“Sorry about your Mom,” Grenda said as quietly as she could, the others also murmuring their condolences.

“And do not worry,” said Candy, moving to pat the grieving creature on the head before she thought better of it. “We will help you.”

“Yeah, we can grab the knife for you,” Mabel said. “Or, I dunno, find one somewhere. Maybe ask a gnome?”

“Yeah, about that...” Dipper checked the map again with a frown. “According to this we should still be in their territory. Did we take a wrong turn somewhere?”

The fairy giggled. “Oh, you silly,” she tittered, much to his annoyance. “The boundaries and territories of the fair folk change with the winds and the seasons. Your maps will become outdated before the ink has dried on your parchment!”

“Oh,” said Dipper, surprised that Ford had never learned this. “I see. Um, okay, so where’s the nearest gnome village? If we go there-”

“You cannot ask for help from the other creatures of the forest!” gasped Lillyfillia, clapping her hands to her cheeks in shock. “It is forbidden! But you are not of the forest. Perhaps if you were to climb the tree and pluck the fruit then I could take it back and be anointed Queen! Then, I would sing your praise and find some way to reward you!”

“What kind of reward?” asked Mabel. “See, we’re actually looking for a wedding gift for a good friend of ours so-”

“Then we are all blessed with good fortune on this day!” the fairy princes cried. “For I have a key to a chest that is nearby and in that chest lies seven gems of good fortune. I would be glad to trade your services for those gems and let them bestow their magic upon you!”

“Why do you have a chest filled with magic gems in the middle of the woods?” asked Pacifica.

The fairy blinked. “How else would I reward random strangers who helped me in my time of need?”

“Makes sense to me!” Grenda said, Mabel and Candy nodding in agreement.

“Just go with it,” Dipper whispered to Pacifica as she opened her mouth. “Look, fantasy tropes and clichés are part and parcel with magic. It’s annoying but if you question it you’ll be here all day. Very well!” he said, to the fairy in a louder voice. “My friends and I will help you in exchange for you lucky gemstones. We’d help you regardless but that sounds like a pretty cool gift so this works out for everybody.”

“Is it a specific fruit or would any do?” asked Candy looking up at the branches and the strange, golden product hanging from the branches.

“Only the most pure and magical will suffice,” said Lillyfillia, flying upwards. “Here, this one.” She flew around one of the fruits, the humans unable to see any significant difference to any of the others.

“Don’t suppose Wendy’s taught you that cool belt climbing trick she can do?” Mabel asked her brother.

“No,” Dipper sighed. “That’s a bit advanced. Anyway, I don’t have the muscle to do it and my belt isn’t long enough to go around that thick trunk even if I did. Besides, that’s a trick branch, not sure if it would hold the weight of any of us long enough to get close. Hmm. I don’t think we could carry a ladder this far in, it would get snagged on too many branches. But if I designed some ladder shoes and asked Ford or-”

“Enough with the ladder shoes,” Mabel told her brother firmly. “That dream goes nowhere. Give it up.”

“What if I throw someone at it?” Grenda suggested as Dipper gave his sister a look of annoyance. “Candy and Dipper are light. The can snatch it before they fall?”

“Uh, let’s call that plan B,” Pacifica suggested as Dipper and Candy took a step away from the muscular girl. “Why don’t we just get on each other’s shoulders and see if we can reach it that way?”

“Good thinking, Paz!” said Mabel, the others murmuring their consent.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I call top of the tower!” said Grenda.

“Maybe next time!” Mabel said brightly. “But for now you can be at the bottom. Then Pacifica, then me, then Candy, then Dipper.”

“Shouldn’t Candy be on my shoulders?” asked Dipper. “I mean, I’m taller than her and weigh more.”

“Yes, but I have more muscle,” Candy told him.

“What? N-No you don’t,” Dipper said anxiously, looking at the smallest member of their party. “I mean, I don’t have much muscle but-”

“Why am I below you?” Pacifica asked Mabel as Candy and Dipper began comparing their muscles. “I might be in good shape but you're freakishly strong.”

“True, but you’re also heavier than me,” Mabel answered.

“Am not!” Pacifica snapped. “I’m only, like, an inch taller! You’ve got more fat than I do!”

“Muscle weighs more than fat,” Mabel countered as Dipper and Candy decided to have an arm-wrestling contest on a nearby rock to settle their dispute. “You’ve got more muscle than I have fat. Besides,” she added, glancing downwards, “I might have more all-over fat but you’ve got plenty on your-”

“Stop staring!” Pacifica snapped, zipping up her jacket and turning red. “And I still think you are way stronger!”

Mabel considered her for a moment before a cheeky grin appeared on her face. “Are you just doing this because if Dipper beats Candy then that means you’ll be closer to him?” she asked smugly.

“What? No!” Pacifica said in full honesty. “I’m not - it’s just a sensitive subject and I really don’t-”

“Say no more,” Mabel said with a knowing smirk, putting a sympathetic hand on a frustrated Pacifica’s shoulder. “I’m all for skinship. And if it means helping my ship then I am more than willing to bear your heavy load.”

“I am not a heavy load!” Pacifica snapped.

“Yes!” Dipper yelled in celebration at having barely managed to win. “I bet a girl at arm-wrestling! I finally did it! And she’s my own age! This is a great achievement for me,” he sighed with delight as the others shook their heads and kindly chose not to point out how piteous his statements were.

After finally deciding the order they gathered under the branch the fairy was resting on and slowly and awkwardly climbed on each other’s shoulders, Pacifica turning slightly pink as she lifted the scrawny young teen. Then she took in his scent.

_ Should have let Mabel be on top, _ she thought as the odour of stale sweat and unwashed clothes hit her nostrils.  _ Love and pride be damned. _

“Almost...got it…” Candy said as she stretched out her hand and the people below her tried to straighten themselves until Grenda put her hands under Mabel’s butt and lifted the girl off her shoulders and above her head.

“Whoops, careful,” Mabel giggled. “I’m not that kind of lady!”

“Ugh, I have a boyfriend, Mabel!” Grenda groaned.

“Do I want to know what’s going on down there?” Dipper grunted.

“I don’t,” Pacifica sighed.

“Got it!” Candy yelled as she plucked the fruit from the branch and one by one the teens were lowered to the ground and stepped off each other’s shoulders.

“Oh glorious day!” Lillyfillia cried, soaring around the teens. “You have aided me in my time of need! You are truly heroes! And heroes truly deserve their reward,” she added, clapping her hands and causing a small chest to float through the woods towards her. When the chest was close enough she clapped her hands again and it fell to the ground where she flew up to it. The fairy princess snapped her fingers and a large, golden key appeared out of thin air and unlocked the chest, the lid creaking open to reveal seven gems of various colours; white, red, green, purple, yellow, blue and orange.

“So how do they work?” Mabel asked as they inspected the crystals, seeing that each one had what appeared to be a swirling light within it, a brighter shade than the rest of the gem. “Do we shake them, hold on to them when we want to get that extra lucky roll of the dice, swallow them or - woah!” she took a quick step back as the gems shot upwards into the air, only two remaining in the clearing as four flew in one direction, the final gem in another.

“Hey, where’d they go?” Grenda asked the fairy in annoyance. “I thought we’d get all seven, now there’s only two!”

“Just watch,” Lillyfillia smiled as the two hovering gems descended, the blue towards Mabel and the green towards Dipper. Then the swirl of light inside each gem seeped out, the small stones falling to the ground as the wisps of colour approached the nervous siblings, drifting into their chests.

“Are you alright?" Candy asked as the twins patted the spots on their chests where the lights had entered.

Dipper and Mabel glanced up and met each other’s eyes as they considered how they felt and looked. “I feel fine,” Dipper said.

“Yeah, me too,” Mabel shrugged. “No different, bad or good.”

“Okay, so what was that?” Pacifica demanded from the fairy as Grenda and Candy sighed with relief. “Why did the others fly away? I thought you said we’d get seven gems, not two.”

“Yeah, the lucky gems were meant for Soos and Melody, not us!” Mabel snapped. “What’s the deal?”

“Oh, do not fret,” the fairy tittered as she bounced up and down with her wings. “The gems chose you! It means that you are worthy, just as I knew you would be! But this Soos of yours, I have heard of him and I am sure that he is also worthy. No doubt, the other gems have made their way towards him and bestowed their good fortune upon him also. Perhaps if you could use the little boxes that you humans use to talk to one another then you could make sure of this?”

Dipper and Mabel shared a look before Mabel pulled out her phone and dialled the Shack.

“Hi, you’ve reached the Mystery Shack, where mystery and adventure are never too far away,” a pleasant voice said. “This is Melody, how can I help you?”

“Hi, Melody, this is Mabel. Quick question, has any floating little gemstones suddenly appeared and breathed puffs of little light into you and Soos?”

“Uh...actually, yes, now that you mention it. Well, into Soos anyway. Four of them came flying through the window and hit Soos, Wendy and the Mister Pinses. Doctor Pines has collected the stones and is in the lab with them. He said he should know what they are within the hour. Um, they aren’t dangerous or anything are they?”

“No, they shouldn’t be. So none of them did that to you? Only Soos?”

“Uh, no not me, just the others. Lucky there weren’t any customers, gave us a bit of a fright. Mabel, what’s going on?”

“We’ll explain it when we get there. We’ll be heading back now. Sorry for any inconvenience, Melody. See you soon.” Mabel sighed in disappointment as she ended the call. Then she turned to the fairy in frustration. “Your magic gemstone only got Soos! The others hit Stan, Ford and Wendy! And who knows where the last one went! What kind of wedding gift is more useful to friends of the family than the bride?”

“I cannot choose who the magic deems to be worthy,” Lillyfillia said with a shake of her head. “Only the gems can do that. I knew that most of your family was clearly worthy and hoped this Melody you speak of would also qualify but still, this is a great gift that you have received. And not just you, but others that you also care for. Is this not a good thing?”

The twins thought about this. “I suppose we could always try looking again,” Mabel said slowly. “The wedding isn’t until the end of summer, it’s not like we need something now.”

“And we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Dipper said with embarrassment. “We could all do with a little more luck. And it has affected people we care for and that’s still a good thing. Sorry,” he said to the fairy princess. “We shouldn’t complain. Thanks for the reward. And good luck with your coronation or whatever.”

“I wonder who that last gem went to?” Mabel wondered as they said their goodbyes and made their way back to the Mystery Shack.

“Well, everyone else it selected played a big part in saving people when Bill attacked,” Candy pointed out. “Soos wandered the wastes helping whoever he could before Dipper and Wendy asked him to help save Mabel. Then they came to the Shack where Mister Pines was keeping us safe in his home and we all helped rescue Ford and the Pines brothers finally defeated him. Maybe that was the key?”

“That could be it,” Dipper agreed. “Um...if that’s the case maybe McGucket? He designed the Shacktron after all.”

“That would be nice,” Grenda said, carrying the chest containing the two empty gems on her shoulder. “He deserves some good luck after everything he’s been through.”

“I wish I had muscles like you,” Dipper sighed, eyeing the large girl’s thick arms.

“Let’s retrace our steps!” Mabel suggested. “If we’re lucky we can spot Sev’ral Timez again!”

“It is also interesting that all the people who received the blessing are members of the Pines family,” Candy added. “Maybe your family is destined for greatness?”

“Soos and Wendy aren’t Pines,” Pacifica reminded her.

“They are honorary Pineses!” Mabel declared. “Soos would probably change his name in a second if he was offered.”

“And Wendy could be a Pines one day,” Grenda chuckled in a relatively low voice as she walked past Pacifica, only to trip suddenly.

“Whoops,” Pacifica deadpanned. “Sorry. My foot slipped.”

“I deserved that,” Grenda shrugged as the blonde helped her up.

“Goodbye, friends!” Lillyfillia cried, waving ecstatically as the teens went further away. “Fare thee well! Blessing be upon you! Take-”

“They’re gone,” growled a figure, stepping out of the bushes and approaching the fairy.

“Oh thank the Goddess for that!” the fairy breathed, pulling a miniscule cigarette from her dress and lighting it with an ember from the tip of her thumb. “I don’t know how much longer I could stay upbeat and cheerful. Thought they’d never leave. So what now?” she asked the figure, blowing a smoke ring at them.

“Now we wait and soon we’ll have our revenge,” he grinned, picking up the fruit the teens had plucked from the tree and taking a large bite.

Lillyfillia frowned as she took another draught. “Wait, that’s it? I mean, I’m satisfied but only one of your three received a curse. Don’t you want all of them to suffer?”

“Oh they will,” he chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “When they realise what’s happened to their friends they’ll come back looking for a way to end it. And that’s when I’ll finally make them all pay for what they did to me.” He smiled and finished the fruit, tossing the core aside as they left the clearing. 

* * *

“I don’t know if those gems of good fortune really did anything,” Dipper said as they reached the Shack, losing again at rock-paper-scissors. “I don’t seem to be winning a noticeable amount.”

“Maybe fairies think of luck differently than humans,” Mabel suggested. “Maybe it just means we’re less likely to be attacked by squirrels or something. Better than nothing.”

“I wish I could be as positive as you,” Dipper sighed.

“Well I still had fun,” Grenda said, Candy and Pacifica nodding. “And maybe when your uncle looks over these gems he’ll find out there’s a secret word you have to say to make them work? That would be pretty cool.”

“Hope it’s not a swear word,” Mabel muttered. “I bet Stan and Wendy would get a kick out of that but I think that would just be embarrassing.”

“Everyone looks normal,” Candy said, peering through the shop window to see Wendy slumped over the counter and Soos consuming a massive sub with inhuman haste. “No one looks very lucky.”

“Well how could you tell?” Pacifica asked, holding the door open for them. “I think we’d need to test it a bit more, right Dipper? Dipper?”

The other girls turned to look at the boy, paused in the doorway as he looked at the blonde in a way they’d never seen before.

“You have the most beautiful blue eyes, Pacifica,” he murmured suddenly, everyone’s jaws dropping as he reached a sweaty hand up to caress her cheek. “And such soft, smooth skin,” he said softly, shaking his head and entering the Shack.

“Wh-what the heck was that?” Mabel demanded as Candy and Grenda stared at Pacifica, frozen at the doorway, her face crimson. Seeing that there would be no response from the girl, Mabel rushed after her brother who was talking to Wendy, the cashier still slumped at her post. “You little Casanova!” she cried, Dipper turning to her in confusion. “I never knew you had it in you!”

“What are you talking about?” he asked with a frown.

“You!” She pointed at her brother. “Her!” She pointed at Pacifica, Candy waving a hand in front of her face to no response. “That soft skin remark! I thought you’d always be awkwardly romantic, even in the future! I never thought you could be so smooth!”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” Dipper said with a miserable shake of his head. “I just wish my eyes and skin were as nice as hers,” he sighed.

Mabel blinked. “Come again?”

Before he could answer, the vending machine opened and a weary Melody stepped out of the stairwell that led to Ford’s lab. “Oh thank God you’re here!” She cried when she spotted the teens. “You’ve got to help us! Soos won’t stop eating, Stan’s stealing everything, Wendy won’t lift a finger, and Ford’s down in his lab obsessing over his work!”

“Um, okay,” Mabel said slowly, glancing at her indifferent brother. “So what else is new?”


	2. Chapter 2

“This is mine,” said Stanley, snatching a beaker from the desk. “And this is mine,” he added, grabbing a Bunsen burner. “And so’s this. And this. This is mine.”

“Dammit, Stanley, would you take your grubby little hands off my equipment,” Ford snapped, trying to pull a microscope out of his brother's grasp. “My work is too important to face these frustrating distractions. It is so important, in fact, that these simple items will no doubt be in the Smithsonian one day, and when they finally perfect cloning and want to bring me back from the dead to speak to me, I don’t want them to accidentally find your DNA when they comb through my equipment!”

“Okay, yeah, that is a bit extreme, even for them,” Mabel agreed from the surveillance room, the girls and Dipper watching the brothers wrestle in what used to be the interdimensional portal chamber before Ford turned it into a larger laboratory. “So when did this start?”

“Just after those gems did whatever they did,” Melody sighed. “It started off simple at first. Ford mentioning how smart he was and how important his work was. Wendy only giving brief answers. Then it slowly got worse. Wendy basically collapsed at the counter and it was a struggle to get even a yes or no answer out of her. Which I’m thankful for since Abuelita and I are already struggling with the others. Ford went down to his lab after calling us all stupid with no concept of how his important he was, while Soos started munching on the snacks for the customers instead of going to the kitchen. Then he started eating everything, even ingredients like sugar and flour so Abuelita’s been cooking non-stop just to use them all up before he hurts himself. But the scariest part was when Stan grabbed an armful of merchandise and ran down here yelling that he wasn’t going to let us sell his stuff.”

“That’s terrifying!” Mabel gasped, giving a concerned look to her great-uncle and the pile of miscellaneous loot he was hoarding. “Stan’s said he’d sell his own soul if he believed it existed! Which is why he’s sold it so many times already.”

“Didn’t Ford try to study the gems to find out what they are?” asked Candy. “Did he learn anything before we started to act different?”

“I asked him but he said he had more important things to do than just waste his time on silly trinkets and magic when science was superior,” Melody said, shaking her head. “He doesn’t care about the others as long as they stay out of his way and he outright refuses to believe that there’s anything wrong with himself, says that we just don’t understand greatness. Dipper, maybe you could get through to him?”

“I doubt it,” Dipper sighed. “He’s probably too smart and amazing to take me seriously. I wish I could be more like him.”

“He’s been like that since we came back here,” Grenda said to a puzzled Melody. “One of the gems hit him too.”

“One also hit Mabel,” Pacifica reminded them. “But she doesn’t seem to be acting different.”

“Maybe I’m immune?” Mabel offered.

“Well Ford thinks he’s immune but you can see how he’s acting,” Melody pointed out.

“Okay, yeah, I see your point but I’m not being rude to everyone and ignoring people. Let’s see,” she said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “Ford, Soos and Stan are obsessed with things, things they love: science, food and...well, not money but he does care about the Shack whatever he says. Wait. Soos won’t stop eating, Stan’s taking everything for himself, Wendy’s being super lazy and Ford’s boasting nonstop. And there were seven gems…” She frowned and turned to the others. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I think so,” Pacifica said slowly as Candy nodded.

“What?” asked Melody and Grenda.

“They have been cursed with the seven deadly sins,” Candy explained. “It happens a lot in fantasy. I am reading a very good Manwha right now and Bonngu has just been infected by the demon of pride while his oppa has been infected by the demon of lust and now they have entered the hot spring together where they-”

“We get the picture,” Pacifica said quickly before Melody became too concerned by Candy’s heavy breathing. “Right. Seven sins. Soos is gluttony, obviously. Wendy’s sloth and I’m assuming Stan is greed. Unless it’s envy?”

“I think envy’s over here,” said Mabel, nodding towards Dipper who was squeezing Grenda’s bicep and sighing.

“Stop it!” she said, trying to push him away. “I’ve got a boyfriend!”

“Right, that’s four,” said Pacifica, counting on her fingers. “I guess Ford is pride then? So that leaves, er, lust and anger.”

“Wrath,” Dipper corrected her absently as he made his way to each girl individually and stroked their hands, arms or faces to mixed reactions. “Anger is an emotion. Wrath is the sin. Everyone has smoother skin than me,” he sighed. “But yours is the smoothest,” he said, taking Pacifica’s hand.

“Are we sure he wasn’t hit by the lust gem?” Melody asked Mabel quietly.

“I’ve seen his internet history, trust me if it hit him we’d know it,” Mabel answered much to the young woman’s alarm. “Not so sure about her, though.” She nodded to Pacifica who was in a fit of nervous giggles as Dipper caressed the back of her hand.

“So why aren’t you affected?” Candy asked Mabel. “You don’t seem very angry or amorous.”

“Dunno,” Mabel shrugged. “Maybe I need to trigger it? Like, these guys almost always feel their sins. But as long as I avoid hot boys or anything that makes me mad then I’ll be okay?”

“Well we’d better keep an eye on you just in case,” Melody said. “But what are we going to do in the meantime? Do we go after the fairies and let them know the gems were faulty? Or was this deliberate?”

“Don’t know how they could be deliberate,” Mabel said, scratching her chin. “I mean, we came across her by accident. We thought we were in the gnome's territory but she said that the borders change all the - wait.” Mabel frowned and opened the door to the lab where Ford had given up trying to take anything back from his brother and was hunched over his desk to do what he could. “Hey Grunkle Ford! I have a question!”

“Not now, Mabel!” the scientist snapped. “I’m busy doing work that will no doubt lead to the betterment of mankind!”

“Well if you don’t think you’re smart enough to know the answer-” Mabel began with a wink to her friends.

“Of course I will know the answer!” Ford barked, facing her with a scowl. “What’s the question?”

“Well somebody told me that the fairy and gnome kingdoms keep changing so there’s no point in ever making a map. Is that true?”

“Of course it isn’t!” Ford snapped. “Their borders have barely changed over hundreds of years! Maps from centuries ago are almost identical to the ones of today. Now I have much more important things to worry about so go bother someone else!”

“Thanks, Grunkle Ford!” Mabel called out as she closed the door. “Tinker Bell lied to us!” Mabel growled as she made her way to the elevator, grabbing Dipper by his collar as she went, her brother not even bothering to resist as she dragged him away from a disappointed Pacifica. “Dipper was right! We were in the gnome kingdom the whole time. I bet she wasn’t even a princess!”

“Want to find her and stomp on her until she turns them back to normal?” Grenda asked. “My mom’s got some bug spray we can use?”

“I think we’ll need a bit more help first,” Mabel said as she led them back to ground level. “Dipper and Ford aren’t much good in this state and I think it’d be much better if we get another brainiac.”

“Who, McGucket?”

Mabel shook her head. “No, his specialty is science and technology, not magic. Which means the only person we can turn to for help right now is Gideon Gleeful.” She led them back to the Mystery Shack shop, finally letting go of her brother who fell to the ground.

“I wish I was strong enough to drag my twin like that,” he sighed.

“Oh, let me help you up, dude,” said Soos, pausing in his consumption of the entire vending machine's stock to pick the teen boy up with one hand.

“I wish I was as strong as you,” Dipper sighed.

“Oy!” Mabel grunted, rolling her eyes. “That’s getting repetitive. Okay, the rest of you stay here. Dipper and Wendy don’t seem too much trouble so just check in every now and then. Keep my uncles from killing each other and swap shifts with Soos’ grandmother for cooking something for the guy, give the poor gal a break. We’re going to ask Gideon for help,” she said, motioning to Pacifica. 

“Me? Why me?” asked Pacifica, glancing at Dipper. “Why not Candy or Grenda?”

“Two reasons,” Mabel answered. “Grenda and Candy are stronger and smarter than us, respectively, and either could be more useful here.”

“What’s the second?”

“If I’m going to have to put up with Gideon then I need someone to stop me in case I go crazy axe-lady on him.” Mabel paused at the doorway, glancing at the axe holstered on Wendy’s belt. “Nah,” she said after a moment’s thought. “Better not.”

“What makes you so sure you’ve got wrath?” asked Grenda.

“Well I can go a bit berserk when I really lose it,” Mabel admitted, Pacifica nodding vigorously behind her back. “You know, hormones and all that. And the thought of kissing Soos or Gideon is making me kind of sick. Er, no offence, Melody.”

“None taken,” Melody answered, watching her fiancé try to suck the chocolate stains out of his shirt.

“So either I have wrath, in which case Pacifica can use her karate chop action to knock me out-”

“It doesn’t work like that!” Pacifica said with a roll of the eyes.

“-or I’ve been hit by lust in which case it only seems to be guys I’m attracted to,” Mabel finished. “But we’d better test it out just in case. Quick, someone ask me if I want to make out with Gideon.”

“Um, okay,” said Melody. “Mabel, do you want to make out with Gide-”

“Ugh! Melody!” Mabel gagged. “That’s just wrong! He’s eleven! And you know what he did to my family! Come on, Pacifica, let’s get out of here.” Mabel grunted, pushing the blonde outside. “Ugh, how could she even ask me that?” Mabel demanded, sticking her tongue out in disgust. 

* * *

“Huh,” Pacifica said as they approached the Gleeful residence. “This is actually a pretty nice house and garden. Thought it would be creepier.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” Mabel said.

Pacifica glanced at her. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Mabel sighed. “I mean - I asked him to take care of some rats a while ago but apart from that this will be the first time we've really spoken since...since that time at the party.”

“Oh,” said Pacifica, recalling the events of that night. “Um, okay. Do you think he’ll mention it or something?”

“No,” Mabel sighed. “At least, I hope not. It’s just - he still has this awkward crush on me and it’s been a year. I hoped he would have moved on but it’s obvious he hasn’t. I’m willing to be friends but it’s difficult when one of us wants to be more. You know what I mean?”

Pacifica stopped to glare at her for a moment before she pushed the doorbell and scowled at the door.

“Oops,” Mabel said hesitantly. “Sorry. Uh, you do know I’m rooting for you, right?”

“Not your feelings I’m worried about,” Pacifica muttered.

“Hey, he’ll come around,” Mabel said, putting an arm around her and giving her a quick hug. “Dipper’s just stubborn. Eventually he’ll realise he’s wasting his time and that he should just move on.”

Pacifica said nothing, keeping her own thoughts to herself.

Mabel opened her mouth to say something else before she was interrupted by her phone. “Huh, text from Melody,” said Mabel, reading the message. “Bring adult diapers.”

The teen girls stared at the message and then each other.

“Does Soos’ grandmother-?”

“No,” Mabel answered. “Um, I guess it’s Soos? Maybe eating all that food-”

“Ask her what size,” Pacifica suggested.

“Um, okay,” said Mabel, sending the text. “Large,” she read when the reply came. “I guess one of the Stans-”

“It’s Wendy,” Pacifica said firmly, a smile on her lips.

“No, Wendy’s tall but she’s thin, it would be a medium if-”

“Mabel, have you seen Wendy’s butt?” She asked with a grin just before the door opened. “Medium just won’t cut it.”

“Mabel, my sweet!” Gideon Gleeful cried, beaming at the girl of his dreams. “And Pacifica Northwest! A double pleasure! What brings such angels to my humble abode?”

“Hi Gideon,” Pacifica barely managed before she was roughly shoved into the bushes beside the house.

“Hi Gideon!” Mabel said brightly, grinning broadly and fluttering her eyes at the surprised boy. “Look at you! How are you? Don’t you look dapper in your suit with that luxurious pompadour of yours!” She leaned forward, a playful smile on her lips. “And those beautiful blue eyes,” she murmured softly. “So deep and intelligent and mature. Like you..”

“Lust it is,” Pacifica grunted, dragging herself out of the bushes and pulling Mabel back from a blushing Gideon. “We need your help,” she told the pre-teen as Mabel gave her a dirty look. “The Pines family, Wendy and Soos have been hit by the seven deadly sins. You know magic, you got any ideas on how to get them out?”

“I’m fine,” Mabel snapped, pushing the blonde out of the way. “I just didn’t realise how cute and adorable this widdle ol’ he is! So adorable,” Mabel breathed, brushing her hand against his cheek, Gideon’s shoulders shaking as he erupted into a fit of delighted giggles.

“Ew,” Pacifica grunted. “Mabel just twenty minutes ago you were feeling sick at someone even mentioning you kissing him!”

“Kissing Gideon?” Mabel frowned. “Now there’s a thought...” She grabbed the pale boy by the cheeks and puckered her lips as she pulled him closer, Gideon closing his eyes and doing the same.

“Nope!” Pacifica cried, forcing herself between them. “Not gonna let you do this to yourself!”

“Stop coming between me and my man, dye-job!” Mabel snarled. “You can’t have him, he’s mine!”

“Ew!” Pacifica yelled, struggling against the brunette’s strength. “And I don’t dye!”

“Ladies, please don’t fight,” Gideon pleaded, a broad grin on his face. “I say we let Mabel decide what’s best for her, agreed?”

“Yes!” Mabel barked.

“Gideon, if you let Mabel do this while she’s brain-washed then you’ll never deserve her!” Pacifica grunted. “It’ll mean you haven’t changed at all!”

The grin vanished as Gideon realised what she was saying was true. “You- you’re right of course,” he muttered, glancing away. “Mabel - my sweet - please stop this fighting. It - it ain’t right. Why don’t you come inside so we can discuss this like civilised folk?”

“Okay,” Mabel said happily, letting go so quickly that Pacifica fell forward from the sudden lack of resistance.

“This is going to be a long day,” the teenager grunted as she got to her feet, brushing at her clothes as she followed them into the living room.

“Oh! Visitors!” Gideon's mother said upon seeing the girls, a smile appearing on her lips. “And if it isn’t the little Pines girl who my little Gideon talks about so much! Would you two like some tea? I’ve also got juice if you’d care for that instead?”

“Oh tea is fine, Mrs Gleeful,” Mabel said happily, giving the woman a polite curtsey. “Or should I just call you Mom?”

“Uh,” said the thin woman, the smile faltering as she saw the way the thirteen-year old was looking at her son.

“Some of our friends have been hit by magic that’s making them act funny,” Pacifica explained, seeing the woman’s discomfort. “So Mabel came to Gideon for help and unfortunately it’s started to affect her too.”

“Has not!” Mabel snapped, running her hands over Gideon’s hair as the boy tittered.

“...tea sounds great,” Pacifica sighed to the obviously concerned mother. “I‘ll watch them, make sure she doesn’t go too far.”

Mrs Gleeful nodded, hesitating at the doorway as she glanced back at her son. “Now Gideon, you be nice, don’t be misbehaving when that poor girl obviously ain’t doing so well.”

“I won’t,” Gideon promised quietly, actually walking away from Mabel and taking a seat at the far end of the sofa.

“You’re such a good son, Gideon,” Mabel breathed, clasping her hands as she stared at him. “One day I hope our kids will be as good as you.”

Pacifica gave a grunt of disgust but was surprised to see Gideon just shake his head sadly. “No I ain’t,” he sighed. “I was a terrible son. When I got mad I took it out on her most of all. That poor woman showed me nothing but love and I only treated her wrong whenever things went bad.” He gave a short, humourless laugh. “Heck, I treated her wrong even when things were going my way. Just ‘cause I could.”

Pacifica hesitated before sitting beside him. “Hey,” she said softly. “I get it. Better than most. You were bad and now you regret it, treating people the way you did when they were trying to be nice just because it made you feel better.” She put a comforting hand on his knee. “But we’re both trying now, no matter how tough it can be. Which shows we’re already becoming better people.”

“Thanks, Pacifica,” Gideon said, patting her hand affectionately as he smiled at her. “That means a lot to me.”

“No touchy!” Mabel barked, shoving Pacifica to the floor and wrapping her arms around a startled Gideon. “You are a good boy,” she whispered as she squeezed him. “Too good for her. She doesn’t deserve you.”

“Maybe I was better off without friends,” Pacifica grunted as she got to her feet for the third time in the space of five minutes.

Mrs Gleeful returned with the tea and some biscuits as Pacifica took a seat in the armchair and explained the situation to Gideon.

“Huh,” the boy-genius said, steepling his fingers as he processed the tale. “I see. This is very interesting. I reckon we ought to go straight to the fairy queen about this. Fairies are normally pretty dumb except for their royalty. Which means that either this Lillyfillia really was a member of the royal family, in which case we can challenge her and lift the curse, or she’s a rogue in which case the queen would want to stop her. Strange for a fairy to be an instigator, though. Normally they only attack after a perceived slight. Then again, stepping on the wrong mushroom or doing your business against a certain tree could be perceived as a slight to them so it could be anything. The gems are curious. Normally they just curse someone specifically, not use magic items or go in such a roundabout way of harming people.”

“What about the last gem?” Pacifica asked. “Wrath’s still out there and that’s got to be the most dangerous. To others at least. Gideon?”

The boy giggled excitedly as Mabel started rubbing her head against his, purring like a cat.

“Gideon! Focus!”

“Right, sorry,” he said, shaking his head and barely leaning away from Mabel. “Well the gems obviously seemed to be attracted to whoever’s attuned to their sins. I hardly think that the Mystery Shack crew are the most sinful bunch in the whole town. Stan might be the greediest but I doubt that Dipper or even Wendy are the most envious or laziest people in town. Magic tends to fade the closer it gets to human civilisation, even in Gravity Falls. Maybe something to do with our technology? Anyway, that’s a topic for another day. So who do we know who’s super angry and tends to live or work on the outskirts of the town?”

“Wendy’s dad?” Mabel suggested as she rested her head on Gideon’s lap. “I mean, I’m not sure where she lives since her dad doesn’t want it on any map and Dipper’s the only one who’s ever been to her house but I’m pretty sure it’s in the woods and he’s pretty angry all the time.”

“That makes sense,” Pacifica agreed, hopping to her feet. “Come on, let’s get back to the Shack. Er, could you ask your Mom to give us a lift? The sooner we get back the better. But we need to grab some stuff from town first. I think we should also buy more food for Soos,” Pacifica suggested. “Something that’s high quantity but not just junk and snacks. Like fruit and crackers or those low-carb smoothie things. He’s going to make himself sick at this rate but I think we can at least get him something healthy.”

“Any excuse to spend more time close to my man,” Mabel grinned, Gideon doing the same.

“And today started out so well,” Pacifica sighed.

Mrs Gleeful agreed to drive them to get the supplies and to the Shack and was even kind enough to buy the diapers herself, much to Pacifica’s appreciation. Admittedly, that meant that Pacifica was stuck in the car with the infatuated Mabel and Gideon and had the difficult task of trying to keep Mabel’s hands off the happy boy. Eventually, Gideon had managed to settle her slightly by showing her several pictures of the rats that she had asked him to care for, the teen girl resting her head on his shoulders as he showed her how they were doing and the adventurous mazes that he had designed for them. She was very glad when they finally reached the Shack and brought Gideon into the shop.

“Not you too,” Melody sighed when she saw Mabel with her arms around a very happy Gideon.

“Yeah, it sucks,” Pacifica agreed, putting down her load of supplies while Mrs Gleeful brought in the rest. “But we think we’ve figured out who’s got wrath and while Candy and Grenda sort him out, Gideon and I will deal with the fairies in the forest. That way we can keep Mabel away from him.”

“Stop trying to steal my man, you hussy!” Mabel snarled drawing her grappling hook. “Death to my enemies!” she cried, firing it at the blonde, who ducked.

“Mine!” Stan yelled, jumping on the hook and pulling at the rope.

“Hey, that’s mine!” Mabel snapped. “I need it to protect my love!”

“I wish I had a grappling hook,” Dipper sighed as his relatives started a tug-of-war.

“I’ll help out in the kitchen!” Mrs Gleeful told Melody as she raced past. “I know how to make a quick meal for men with large appetites.”

“That would be very much appreciated,” Melody said thankfully as she grabbed a bag of diapers and tried to drag Wendy to the bathroom. “Uh, little help?”

“I wish I was as strong as either of you,” Dipper sighed but still lifted Wendy by the boots to help her.

“Yeah, so you’ve said,” Melody grunted as they carried the tall teen to the bathroom and closed the door. It opened a second later, Melody pushing the detached boy out before closing it again. 

“Pacifica! Help!” Grenda called urgently as she and Candy tried to get Soos to eat his few remaining snacks one at a time, a task made much more frustrating by Ford’s impassioned speeches about just how amazing he was. “He’s using maths against us! It’s summer, the knowledge is hurting my brain!”

“Hey, Doctor Pines, do you think you could make a tranquilizer with enough kick to let Candy and Grenda knockout Manly Dan?” Pacifica asked the scientist.

“Of course I can!” Ford scoffed. “But I’m far too important to waste my time on such a trivial pursuit!”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Pacifica agreed. “I should just ask McGucket. Everyone knows he’s smarter and would make a much better one anyway.”

“I’m twenty times the inventor Fiddleford is!” Ford snapped. “I’ll have a portable tranquilizer gun available within the hour!”

“McGucket could make one in half an hour.”

“I’ll make one in ten minutes!” Ford yelled angrily, sprinting to his lab. “With ammo to spare!”

“Well played,” Candy said admiringly.

“I have my moments,” Pacifica said with a pleased smirk. “Anyway, we’d better get going. You two distract Mabel while you wait for Ford to finish his gun, make sure she doesn’t turn psycho stalker on us as we leave for the woods. When he's done, go find Manly Dan and shoot him with the drug before you bring him back here. Make sure not to let him see you - I've heard a rumour he fights bears and I wouldn't put it past a Corduroy.”

“Maybe I should just stay here?” Gideon suggested hopefully, watching his beloved wrestle with her great-uncle. “I mean, don’t you want to keep an eye on Dipper, make sure he’s safe and send the adults to meet the fairy instead?”

“Wendy, your skin is even smoother than Pacifica’s,” said Dipper as he caressed the redhead's cheek, returned to the counter now that Melody had finished changing her.

“Not anymore,” Pacifica growled.

“Well we don’t want Mabel to turn even more aggressive now, do we?” Gideon said with a shrug. “If I stay here the - what are you doing?” he asked as Dipper approached him and took his hand.

“Wow, Gideon, you’ve got the smoothest skin of all,” said Dipper, running his cheek against the pre-teen’s. “Why is everyone’s skin smoother than mine?”

“I not as eager to stay now,” the uncomfortable boy said quickly.

“My boyfriend!” Mabel yelled, tackling her brother. “Get your own!”

“Quick, give her something,” Pacifica hissed to Gideon as Mabel threatened her melancholic twin.

Gideon perked up. “You mean like a kiss?”

“No! Here, give her this,” she said, passing him a Stan bobble-head. “Tell her it’s a symbol of your love or something,” she ordered before making her way to Stanley.

“Hope you’re crazy like a fox and not a hammer made of cheese,” he sighed, shaking his head at the bizarre blonde. “Mabel, my sweet?” Mabel ceased her threats as she turned, captivated by his voice. “I wanted to give you this,” he said, offering her the gruesome figure. “I know it ain’t much but I like to think of this as a token of my undying love for you.”

“I’ll treasure it always and forever!” she cried, taking it and grinning broadly.

“Mine!” snapped Stan, snatching it from her and running through the curtains that led to the museum.

“I’ll kill you, Stanley!” Mabel screamed as she chased after him. “You’re a dead man!”

“Come on, Romeo,” Pacifica grunted as she pulled the saddened boy to the exit. “We’re leaving while she’s distracted.”

“Alright,” Gideon sighed. Then he brightened suddenly. “This will actually be a good chance for us to get to know each other better! We already have so much in common: both blondes, we both have an amazing fashion sense-”

“That’s debatable,” Pacifica grunted.

“Now don’t sell yourself short,” he said, much to her annoyance. “You make yourself look mighty fine, Pacifica Northwest. But as I was saying, we’re both former enemies of the Pines family trying to redeem ourselves whilst pining for a Pines-”

“I’m not pining for anybody!” she snapped.

“Is Wendy kissing Dipper?” Gideon asked suddenly, Pacifica’s head spinning round so fast her neck clicked.

“I wish I was as cool as you,” Dipper told a still practically comatose Wendy. "You're still the coolest person I know." 

“Uh huh,” said Gideon, a confident smirk on his lips as Pacifica glared at him, rubbing her neck. “You’ll have to try harder than that to convince little old me.”

Pacifica watched him head towards the woods, pausing to look back at Wendy and Dipper, her eyes resting on the lumberjill’s holstered axe. “Nah,” she decided eventually. “Too tempting.” 

* * *

_Author’s Note: So, yeah, this will be more of a Pacifica and Gideon focused story. As Gideon pointed out, there’s a few similarities between the two and I think that’s interesting. It will make for some good character development on his part since I don’t want Pacifica to be the only former villain with a redemption arc. I’ve also always found it interesting how popular Pacifica is when she’s not part of the main cast. Don’t get me wrong, Northwest Mansion Mystery is one of the best episodes in the whole show and she got an incredible amount of character development but I'm amazed that she seems to be more popular than Wendy or even Soos._

_Speaking of, Wendy fans might be a bit annoyed by this story since she’s barely in it and hasn’t even said a word yet. But to be fair, Back Before Summer Starts was primarily from her point of view and A Pink Time-Problem was also pretty Wendy focused. Don't worry, she'll have a big part in my next couple of stories. Besides, it was the seven deadly sins - how could Wendy not be sloth? Well, okay, you could argue wrath but a psychotic Wendy with no morals to stay her axe? That would be a pretty short fanfic. Hmm. Kinda cool idea though..._

_Nah. Not my_ _style_ _._


	3. Chapter 3

“Here you go,” Melody said, sprinkling some of Ford’s knockout formula on a sandwich before passing it to her fiancé.

“Aw, thanks, Melody,” Soos said gratefully, gasping and clutching his stomach, the sweat dripping from his food-stained face. “Man, I’m so glad you’re still feeding me that I’m not going to even question why you just dumped that bottle of weird stuff on my food. I mean, here I am, feeling like my belly’s about to burst and you’re still giving me snacks because I’m asking you to. How nice is that?”

“I’m glad you’re so trusting,” she said, rubbing his arm affectionately as he consumed the sandwich.

“Of course, I trust you, Melody,” he said with conviction as he reached for more food. “What kinda guy would I be if I didn’t trust the girl I’m gonna marry?” 

“Not the man I love,” she teased, prodding his stomach playfully. “Not my big ol’ panda.”

Soos laughed and squirmed under her tickles before he wiped his forehead, his eyelids drooping. “Woah, man, so tired suddenly,” he gasped. “Think I might need to nap for a bit. Guess just eating all day’s really...taken its toll…”

He swayed suddenly and she pulled him towards her so that his head fell on her lap. “Poor panda,” she sighed, stroking his sweat-drenched hair before kissing him gently on a stained cheek.

“Scrap-book ortunity!” Mabel cried, quickly taking a photo of the couple. “This is a good one, might show it at the wedding.”

“Please don’t,” Melody begged, trying to straighten her bedraggled hair as her husband-to-be drooled on her lap and made eating sounds as he slept. “Wait, why aren’t you chasing Stan?”

“I was going to ask you why I _was_ chasing him,” Mabel said, putting the camera away. “Last thing I remember was talking to Pacifica outside Gideon’s and then the next thing I know I’m running after Stan. What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Mabel shook her head and sat down beside the young woman.

“Well, that’s actually kind of a good thing, I suppose,” Melody said. “I don’t think any of you would like to remember what you were doing while you were affected by the sins. But basically when you saw Gideon, the lust gem took control and-”

“Wait, WHAT?”

Melody winced and put a finger in her ear. “Yep. Started calling him your love and told Pacifica to stay away from your man whenever she tried to keep you from getting too close.”

“Bet Gideon loved that,” Mabel grunted in disgust.

“Well, yeah,” Melody said slowly. “He was very happy. But he could have been a lot worse. He didn’t ask you to kiss him or anything, he just seemed to enjoy it when you paid attention to him. He is still just an eleven-year old boy,” Melody reminded her. "Honestly it wasn’t too much worse than what Pacifica’s like with Dipper sometimes. Or, from what I’ve heard, what Dipper used to be like with Wendy. He might have enjoyed himself a little too much but he didn’t take advantage as far as I can see. And from what Soos has told me, you tend to get more than a little carried away with your crushes too.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Mabel muttered, kicking her legs in irritation. “But why just him? Why not Soos too?”

“Well you probably understand your own emotions better than anyone,” Melody reasoned. “Why do you think?”

Mabel thought hard, wanting to find an answer that wasn’t too uncomfortable. “I guess...I guess it’s because I just can’t see Soos that way?” she hazarded. “I mean, it’s not just that he’s older, I’ve had plenty of crushes on people that are older than him. But he’s always been like a big brother or older cousin. He’s family to me, I just can’t see him any other way. It would be too weird. But Gideon…” she hesitated, unsure of the conversation but forcing herself to continue. “But Gideon’s not family. I mean, sure I’m not into younger guys and he’s not hot or anything but...but Gideon was actually my friend for a little bit, before he tried to push me into being his girlfriend. And I do believe he’s changed - or he’s trying to, at least. He hasn’t popped up uninvited at the Shack or pressured me when he definitely would have last year. He’s given me time to deal with everything I’ve been going through, even though I don’t think I could do the same if it were the other way round. I have a problem giving people space. But I appreciate that he’s giving it to me.” She thought back to a conversation that she had with her brother the night before they had raided the Fearamid to rescue Ford from Bill. “He actually risked his life for me one time,” she said quietly. “Bill made him Sheriff and ordered him to round up the townsfolk. I mean, yeah, that was bad and he probably liked it a bit too much...but Dipper said he was terrified of what Bill would do to him an he still fought off the eye-bats to give them time to find me. And all he asked was that Dipper let me know what he’d done. And the way he said it must’ve made it clear to Dipper he never thought he’d survive long enough to tell me himself. Surprised all of us when we found him in that cage. And that’s a pretty brave thing to do, facing death or worse like that and all for someone who doesn’t love you back. Especially for a ten-year old.”

“Sounds like you admire him, even if just a little,” Melody said.

“Yeah,” Mabel said slowly. “I guess I do. And, okay, sure, if he were to work out and maybe change his attitude a bit then I could see him as kinda cute. But that’s it,” she added quickly. “I don’t like him or anything, so that’s got to be enough for the lust gem, hasn't it?” she asked desperately.

“I think so,” Melody said confidently, causing the young girl to sigh with relief. “I mean, Dipper’s going to grow into a fine young man so I bet if the stone hit someone like Tambry then she'd probably chose him over Stan if Robbie wasn’t around. That wouldn't mean she's attracted to Dipper. Look at the others, the stones just made their faults so much worse. We’ve all got sins, Mabel. Doesn’t make us bad.”

“Thanks, Melody,” Mabel said. “You’re pretty good at comforting talks and the way you’ve handled Soos and the Stans is really impressive.

“Yeah, well, it’s good practice for when Soos and I have kids,” Melody reasoned, patting her fiancé affectionately.

Mabel gasped. “Oh, I’m so happy!” she squeed, giving the woman a massive hug. “I hope it’s a girl,” she added, putting a hand on her belly.

“Mabel, I’m not pregnant!” Melody snapped. “I meant eventually! I want to be married for a couple of years before we even start discussing kids!”

“Oh,” Mabel said with obvious disappointment. “Okay. That’s fine too, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for keeping my family safe while we’ve been going coo-coo bananas. Take a break, I’ll handle Stan and Ford for now.” She dashed towards the sound of her great uncle’s loud voice, leaving Melody with her beloved.

“Maybe I should eat more salad and less meat” Melody muttered, glancing down at her stomach.

“Nom, nom,” Soos said as he slept. “Never change. Nom, nom.”

Melody blinked and smiled down at him in surprise. “I knew I picked the right man,” she said, ruffling his hair as he dozed.

“Hey, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel yelled as she entered the kitchen where her great-uncle was pestering a haggard-looking Abuelita and Mrs Gleeful, trying to take every utensil he could find. “Look what I’ve got!”

“What is it?” Stan demanded, squinting at her hand.

“Doesn’t matter, it’s mine and you can’t have it! Nah nah nanana!” She fled outside, laughing.

“Gimme!” Stan yelled, dropping the cutlery to chase after the laughing teen.

Mabel ran towards the Bottomless Pit, waiting for her uncle to catch up. “Fetch!” she cried as she threw the question mark keychain into the hole.

“Mine!” Stan snapped as he lunged for the item, disappearing into the black.

“Job well done if I do say so myself,” Mabel said, setting an alarm on her phone to remind her to return in twenty minutes. “Now that just leaves Ford,” she said, putting her earphones in and making sure they were hidden under her hair, selecting a song with just the right number of beats for her to nod to as she pretended to listen to the scientist. “Hope things are going this easy for Pacifica and Gideon,” she said as she pondered what question to ask her great-uncle before she would hit the play button.

* * *

“What is that thing?” Pacifica yelled as they ran screaming through the forest.

“Gremloblin!” Gideon yelled back as his chubby little legs tried to carry him away from the monstrous creature. “Gremlin and goblin hybrid! Very dangerous!”

“You think?” she snarled as the beast snarled and they heard the sound of wood breaking as it swiped its mighty claws. “How do we stop it?”

“Keep! Running!” Gideon gasped, sweat pouring from him. “Can’t! Run! Long!”

“You or the monster?”

“Both!” Gideon managed to grunt.

Pacifica groaned but then spotted a fallen tree that made a makeshift ramp to the branches of one that was still standing and grabbed the boy by the shoulder, directing him towards it. She led the way up the slanted trunk and leapt into the branches of the other, turning back and holding out her hand to help pull Gideon over with her. The boy clutched at her desperately and awkwardly jumped over to join her just in time as the Gremloblin jumped onto the dead tree which buckled under its weight and sent it crashing down to the forest floor.

The teen and pre-teen sat panting as they watched it get to its feet and pace the tree below them like a cat circling a bird cage. Pacifica peered at the creature, noting its fearsome form before it lifted its eyes to meet hers, the red turning to yellow as she felt her blood run cold, her heart thudding in her ears as she saw-

“Don’t look!” Gideon said, snapping his fingers in front of her face. “Never make eye-contact. They can show you your greatest fear.”

“Oh,” Pacifica gasped, clutching at her chest and taking deep breaths to settle herself. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Gideon said, still panting from the exercise.

“So what do we do now?” Pacifica asked, glancing down at the predator.

“Wait,” Gideon shrugged. “Hopefully nothing will come along to entertain it. They get bored easily but if they find something that amuses or interests them then they can obsess over it for hours.”

“Great,” Pacifica grunted, wiping at her brow and trying to fix her hair. “Like this day couldn’t get any worse.” She patted at her hair for a while before Gideon pulled out a small mirror and a can of hairspray, passing them to her. “Thanks. Huh.”

“What?” 

“Nothing, it’s just - this is the brand I use too.”

“Great minds think alike,” Gideon said with a smile.

“Though fools seldom differ,” Pacifica added.

Gideon looked impressed. “Not many people know the full quote.”

“Benefits of a very expensive education,” Pacifica said as she returned the spray and mirror.

Gideon quickly fixed his own hair with more enjoyment than was typical and after that they fell into silence, glancing down occasionally to check that the monster was still beneath them.

“Well ain’t that a sight,” the boy breathed suddenly, staring straight ahead. 

Pacifica pushed some branches aside to see the top of the forest around them, several birds and other flying creatures in the air, the sky a bright blue as the sun shone brightly.

“Yeah,” Pacifica agreed, unused to the beauty of nature, despite being surrounded by it for most of her life. "That’s really something.” She stared for a while, admiring the view until she noticed out the corner of her eye that Gideon was watching her. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” the boy sighed miserably. “It’s just - why couldn’t you be Mabel?”

“What?”

“Look at us,” Gideon sighed again, gesturing towards their surroundings. “Two young kids. Boy and girl. Alone in a tree with a romantic view.”

“Ew!” said Pacifica, annoyed at the imagery.

“I’ve thought about having one or two romantic encounters with Mabel in places like this,” the boy admitted.

“Double ew!”

“I would use it as an opportunity to tell her how I feel-”

“She already knows how you feel!”

“The birds would be singing in the distance,” he continued, gesturing towards the forest where they could hear birdsong. “I’d put my hand on her shoulder-” Gideon put a hand on Pacifica’s shoulder where it was immediately slapped away. “And then I’d look deep into her hazel eyes and pour my heart out to her.”

“And then she’d tell you she’s not interested and to stop being a creep!” Pacifica scowled. “Seriously, what is it with guys? Perseverance isn’t always romantic! It’s usually creepy! Take a hint!”

“And I suppose you’ve taken the hint from Dipper?” Gideon asked, raising a doubting eyebrow.

“I - that’s different!” Pacifica snapped. “He’s just struggling to let go of his first crush!”

“Ain't that what we're doing?” Gideon asked her, giving a knowing smirk.

She glared at him. “Wendy isn’t interested,” she growled. “She’s not. One day he’ll realise it’s hopeless and that there are other girls more suited for him.”

“Sounds like I’m not the only one having romantic daydreams about my one-sided love,” Gideon said smugly. “And I wouldn’t quite say it’s hopeless. I reckon Dipper’s thoughts are running parallel to mine. That the world holds many stories of men who were rejected by an older girl at one time but then succeeded when their ages weren't such a big deal. Men who kept trying until they convinced the girl of their dreams to give them a shot and proved they were worth the chance. That every year the age difference matters less and less. That if he works hard then one day she’ll see how much he’s changed and finally became a man worthy of her.” Gideon sighed. “Heck, he’s got a much better chance than I’ll ever have,” he said miserably, staring into the distance. “At least he was a good person to start with. Mabel deserves better than the likes of me.”

Pacifica watched him, his last few sentences similar to those she’d thought many times. “Why do you like her?” she asked him suddenly. “I mean, I think she’s a good friend and she’s pretty but she’s so...odd.”

Gideon was silent for a moment and it was only later that she realised it must have been the first time that someone had asked him that question and he’d never needed to explain it to anyone before. “You ever been bullied?” he asked her eventually.

“I...yes. Very recently. But for most of my life I was the bully, not the victim,” she admitted grudgingly. “Guess I’m finally getting what I deserve.”

Gideon nodded, considering her response. “Well I’ve been bullied for most of mine. Until I became the bully. See, it was hard for me growing up, kids and teens and even grown-ups used to taunt me all the time. I was born with white hair, I was always small and fat, I liked to dress a certain way that made some kids call me a girl or worse. Plus, I had the accent that was different from most people. Kids used to say I was McGucket’s secret son, back when he was the town cook and people were mean to him. Actually, he was one of the few who treated me right. Maybe it was because we both had our Southernisms or were both ostracised but he was always pleasant and kind to me. Either way, he always said he had a good feeling about me, even when I was at my worst. I used to laugh at him for that, thinking he was a gullible old fool. Now I hope he was right and that maybe there is more to me than people first thought. Than I first thought.” Gideon looked down at the forest below them. “See, I was smart too. Smartest in the school by a mile. Which made things worse. I kept showing off my brains to prove just how great I was, hoping somebody’d notice me. And they did, just not the way I wanted. Called me freak and loser and teacher’s pet. I could go on and on about that, how I became cold and angry and distant, became just as cruel as them and then worse and better at it too. About how I managed to figure out the location of the journal and instead of using it for good like Dipper, I used it for my own gain. But this ain’t about that or even me. This is about Mabel.”

He looked out at the view of the forest canopy in front of him. “She was beautiful,” he whispered. “Not in the way other pretty girls are. Not like you or Wendy. But there was this...glow to her. I always peek at my audience before a show and I saw her there, her wide smile, so innocent and honest, wearing a sweater with her name on it. I’ve picked up a sense for people in my time as a no-good, backstabbing manipulator. Could tell when people were frauds or stupid or so many of the other things I hated in others. And Mabel wasn’t any of those. She ain’t dumb, despite what some people think. And she didn’t care that she was an odd one. Heck, she embraced it, just like what I did. And she was so positive, I saw her laughing with Dipper and Soos and that smile never faltered. I could see a fake smile a mile away but hers was just pure joy. When I heard her laugh a heavenly choir couldn’t’ve sounded more angelic to my ears. Then I listened to her after, desperate to hear what she thought of my show. Of me. She liked my hair! Can you believe that?” He laughed like a normal love-struck boy his age would as he swung his legs back and forth happily. “Woo! I was so relieved! Normally the hair’s one of the first things people make fun of me for. But she liked it,” he said softly, a small smile on his lips. “I had to see her again and she was even greater than I’d hoped. Showed her my dressing room, my different suits, my ties and my makeup and she never called me weird or peculiar, she just enjoyed herself. Mabel wasn’t just my first love. She was my first friend.” He sighed. “And then I threw all that away by wanting more. Well, that and trying to murder her brother. But I do aim on being better. Because she deserves better. Maybe...maybe we’ll never be more than friends. Heck, maybe we won’t even really be able to be friends after all I did. But I’m willing to keep trying. It’s like Dipper said, try to be someone worthy of loving. And maybe that special person I eventually will convince to love me won’t be Mabel. I’m only eleven, maybe I’ll find someone else down the line.” He looked up at the sky, watching the clouds in the distance. “But wouldn’t it be utterly wonderful if my first love was also the love of my life?” he asked quietly.

Pacifica stared at him, watching the sad smile and hopeful eyes carefully. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?” she asked him eventually.

“Was that all you picked up from all that?” he demanded, giving her a sharp look.

“No!” she said defensively. “I mean, yeah, okay that was actually kind of...sweet in a weird way. And yes, I admit that I now feel bad for all those comments I’ve made in the past about you and your clothes. Well, most of them. Some of them. Anyway, now I can see why you’d be interested in Mabel. Even if I still think you’re a bit too obsessed. There, I’ve said all that stuff. Look, I can understand some of the bad stuff better than Mabel or the others probably could. I know how insulting someone can make you feel so much better when it shouldn’t. You want to know something about me?” she asked him. “Sometimes I’m still mean and that makes me feel guilty. But sometimes I’m mean and I enjoy it or even miss the days when I was mean all the time. I miss the power, the way I could see the hurt in someone’s eyes and the satisfaction that it gave me.” She sighed miserably. “There we go. I talk about being better, of trying to be a good person, but some days I’m not sure if it’s worth the hassle, the guilt, the struggle to control my cruel tendencies. Am I really a good person if I’ve still got these desires? I’m jealous so often. Not just of Wendy, but of Candy and Grenda. I think of Mabel as my best friend but I know that she considers them to be hers. My whole life I was told that second place just wasn't good enough. Now I’ve got my first real friend...and I’m third place to her. And second place for Dipper.” She looked away. “And for the first time in my life second place is even worse than third. I know he thinks she’s beautiful. I just wonder what he thinks about me.”

A small hand rested on her shoulder. “You are beautiful,” Gideon told her gently. “Even more than Wendy in my humble opinion. And you don’t need to be perfect to be good, Pacifica. Even Dipper and Mabel have their flaws. Heck that’s why we’re out here, ‘cause their sins have gotten the best of them. And maybe they’ll never feel about us the way we do about them. But I’m still willing to help them and so are you. Which is what they’ve done for others in the past. Now maybe we ain’t never going to be like them...but we’re both willing to try our darndest and I think they’d tell us both that that’s enough.” 

She gave him the briefest of smiles. “Thanks, Gideon. I really appreciate that.”

“Any time,” he told her, looking at the base of the tree. “We former villains need to stick together if we want to do better. Now, our friend seems to have left so how are we getting down from here?”

“Climb down, I guess,” Pacifica shrugged, making her way to the trunk.

“Hoo boy,” Gideon said, swallowing nervously. “The things I do for love.”

Gideon lost his grip and slid down the trunk repeatedly but his descent was luckily stopped each time by Pacifica’s head, which would then start screaming at him until he managed to find a better grip. Eventually they made it to the ground and continued their journey to the fairies, Gideon leading the way as Pacifica rubbed her sore head and neck, glaring at him for most of the journey. Gideon, sensing the eyes that were burning a hole in the back of his skull, tried to think of a way to apologise for his poor climbing skills in any way he could. After a short distance he saw that they were approaching a small, steep hill. “Think we should be close,” he told her, pushing his already tired limbs to carry him faster until he was at the top where he turned and extended a helping hand towards her. “My lady.”

Pacifica paused in her climb to stare at the hand and then the boy it belonged to. “Such a gentlemen,” she said, rolling her eyes but taking his hand and letting him assist her with the climb despite the help not being required. But she guessed at the reason behind it and decided that it would be hypocritical of her not to let him try and make up for his failings. Then his foot slipped and he slid down the other side, reflectively tightening his grip and taking her with him as they tumbled down. Pacifica let out a groan of pain as she finally hit the bottom, then released another as Gideon landed on top of her. They froze as their blue eyes met and they realised that their faces were only an inch apart.

“Now I really wish you were Mabel,” he sighed regretfully.

“Get off me!” she barked, pushing him so hard he went flying. “You ever mention that to anyone and I will kill you, understand?”

“Nothing to tell, far as I’m concerned,” he grunted, getting to his feet and wiping at his suit. “You can relax, Mabel’s the only gal for me and you simply can’t-” he stopped as he saw that they were surrounded by hundreds of fairies, the tiny winged people watching them all suspiciously.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” a voice said and a group of the magical people parted to make way. “Hello again,” Lillyfillia smiled as she flew towards them.

“You!” Pacifica spat, angrily approaching the fairy as the others flew around them, enclosing them in a circle. “Alright, Princess, why did you do that to my friends? What’s your game?”

“Queen,” Lillyfillia corrected her. “I’m the queen now. And the reason for my deception was simple. I had to punish the fat one.”

“Wait, Soos?” Pacifica stared at her. “I mean, I could understand revenge on any of the others, even Dipper and Mabel, but when’s Soos ever done something wrong?”

“Last year he thought my mother was a mosquito and killed her with a fly-swatter,” she told them.

“Ah.” Gideon winced as Pacifica took a sharp intake of breath. “Okay, yeah, that’s a pretty good reason,” he admitted. “Listen, we’re truly sorry for your mother, we can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you-”

“Actually she was an uptight, moronic little cow and we’re glad to be rid of her,” Lillyfillia shrugged as the other fairies nodded their agreement. “But it’s the principal of the matter. We can’t just let people go around killing us without punishment, can we now? Anyway, Fairy Law dictates that if a queen is murdered then her death needs to be avenged before the new queen can be coronated.”

“Well did you need to hurt so many other people?” Pacifica demanded. “I mean, the others haven’t done anything wrong...to you. I think you should help us try and fix them!”

“Okay.”

“Don’t try and talk your way - wait, what?” Gideon faltered slightly under her sudden cooperation. “That’s it? No refusal or forcing us to go on a mystic quest?”

“Nope,” the queen shrugged. “Like I said, nobody really liked my mother and I’m the queen now so I don’t have hurt you if I don’t want to. And I figure he’s been punished enough, being made to eat all day. Hopefully by now he’s learned his lesson and will take a second look before he swats anything.” She turned to her people. “Unless anyone thinks he still needs to suffer?”

“Nope.”

“I’m happy.”

“All good here.”

“Uh, great,” Gideon said slowly as the fairies murmured their contentment. “So now you’ll lift the curse?”

“Well I can’t do that since it wasn’t my magic,” Lillyfillia explained. “But I can show you who was primarily responsible and even offer some advice, that would count as helping and that makes us even as far as our laws are concerned. It was my chest but the gems and even the majority of the plan belonged to a friend of mine who’s had it out for some of your friends for almost as long as I have.”

“Okay, so who’s gems were they?” Pacifica asked.

“They were mine,” a voice growled and the humans turned to see a gnome among the fairies. He was hairy, even for a gnome, not a hint of bare skin visible on his face, his messy, dark grey beard and eyebrows exceptionally thick. His pointed red hat was noticeably ragged, bent at the top with a yellow patch on the side and he bared what few teeth he had at the humans as he watched them with narrowed eyes.

“Um, okay,” Pacifica said slowly, glancing at Gideon, who shrugged. “Who are you? Are you one of the gnomes Wendy and I beat up or-?”

“No!” He spat on the ground in disgust. “The name’s Frank! Your friends sent me to gnome jail!”

“Ugh, seriously, Frank?” Lillifillia complained. “Do I spit when I come over to your place?”

“Sorry, Lil.”

“Uh, you mean Mabel and Dipper?” Gideon asked. “I reckon they must have had a good reason if-”

“No, not them!” Frank snarled. “The other three! The one with the glasses, the other one with the deep voice and troll arms and that redhead leader of theirs! Last summer they barged into the tavern demanding help with the unicorns and I told them I’d give them fairy dust in exchange for butterflies since butterfly trafficking was illegal. But they betrayed me.” He growled as he recalled the events of that day. “I gave them the bags of dust but they called the cops on me. I’ve been waiting for a chance at gettin' revenge on them this whole time.”

“Wait, so why did you curse the rest of them if it was Candy, Grenda and Wendy who wronged you?” Gideon asked.

“Well, the sinful gems were the only magic items I had,” the gnome explained. “And I couldn’t know who they’d choose but I knew enough about the Shack group to figure that the redhead and the big guy would definitely be hit by their magic. Also that Stan guy, and he’d also smacked a few fairies in his time so I spoke to Lil here and we came up with the plan. Was hoping that the other two would be part of the group that wanted to help their friends and enter the forest. Then I’d get my chance to punish them too.”

“Punish them how?” Pacifica asked suspiciously. "Also, as a former antagonist, I would just like to point out that that was a terrible plan, you relied on conveniences way too often and I'm shocked so much of it's worked out for you so far."

“Well the only way to remove the sins is with the magic amulet that they were all originally attached to and only I know the way to the cave where it’s located,” Frank said with no small amount of satisfaction, completely ignoring her critiques. “That cave's filled with all manner of deadly traps, a bunch of gnomes went in but only I came out. Was hoping those same traps might take care of the other two for me. But first I’d make them go on a couple of quests before I told them where it is. Get me more butterflies. Make them suffer. The girls, not the butterflies. I love me my butterflies! Do you know what they do to butterfly traffickers in gnome jail?” he growled. “They laugh at us and call us names. And sometimes they even steal our socks.” He shuddered. “My poor little toes were so cold on those winter nights,” he whispered.

“What did you want the butterflies for?” Gideon asked cautiously, thinking of magic potions or dangerous spells.

“They tickle my face and make me laugh!” He giggled with childish glee as he ran his fingers through his beard, recalling fonder days.

Pacifica and Gideon shared a glance. “Uh, hold on one sec,” she said, pulling out her phone as she tried to make a call. After the events of Weirdmageddon, the reception in Gravity Falls could be very glitchy on some days, sometimes hardly anyone could get a signal while other days people could somehow get signals to and from places where it shouldn’t have been possible. It was something that Ford and Stan had used to their advantage when they were contacting Soos and Fiddleford from their boat and it was a phenomenon that the scientists had added to their long list of curiosities to unravel. It was often as advantageous as it was disadvantageous so they focused on more pressing matters at the moment, but had already reasoned that it likely had something to do with the interdimensional leakage left over from Bill’s many tears in reality and could very well be beyond the laws of science as they knew them. But Pacifica recalled that Mabel had made a call earlier from the woods and hoped that this was one of those lucky days where she could somehow call a friend from the middle of the forest.

“Hey, Paz, how’s your quest with Gideon going?” Grenda answered, her voice clear and gravely.

“Don’t call me that. Look, we’ve found out who’s behind the sins. Do you happen to remember a time when you, Candy and Wendy met this gnome who wanted you to get butterflies for him in exchange for fairy dust?”

“Oh yeah! Guy was a creep! We got the butterflies for him and then bribed the cops to take him away after we got the dust. It was sweet!”

“I - you - wait, you _bribed_ the cops? After he gave you what you needed?”

“Well, yeah, one bag for us, one for them. Then they took him away. Wait, that’s the guy who’s been messing with our friends? Send him back to jail, Pacifica, it’s where guys like him belong!”

“Hang on, I’m confused,” Pacifica said, exasperatedly. “You guys needed fairy dust. This guy then agreed to give you some in exchange for what he wanted. But after he helps you, you then bribe the cops to take him away in exchange for half of what he was giving you? Doesn’t that seem wrong? And unnecessarily complicated?”

“Butterfly trafficking is illegal, Pacifica!” Grenda groaned. “He was the bad guy!”

“Isn’t bribing the cops and betraying the guy who helped you even worse?”

“Uh...hang on for a second...” Pacifica heard a quick whispered conversation with Candy before she returned to the phone. “It was Wendy’s idea,” she admitted nervously.

“Of course it was,” Pacifica sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, fine, I’ll apologise for you and...and I honestly don’t know who’s in the right in this whole thing. Never mind, I’ll deal with it. Good luck on your end.” Pacifica shook her head and returned to the others. “Okay, I actually think my friends wronged you this time,” she agreed. “Well, mostly Wendy and she’s not really my friend. More of a friend of a friend. Anyway, I’m sorry for all that but now I think Wendy’s been punished enough too. I mean, she’s in a diaper! But it’s also affecting other people who don’t deserve it. So can you please take us to this cave?”

“Not so fast,” Frank growled. “I’ve only got revenge on one of my wrong-doers and I still ain’t got no butterflies. So why don’t you and your lover just head back home and return with those other two gals, a jar full of my fluttering friends and then we’ll-”

Pacifica held up her hand to stop him, her eyes closed as she took a deep breath. She opened them just enough to give the gnome a venomous stare. “Did you just say that Gideon and I were...lovers?” she asked, barely managing to get the last word out.

Frank frowned. “Well, aintcha? I mean, I saw that part where your eyes met and your faces were so close I thought you two was gonna-”

Pacifica grabbed his messy beard and lifted him from the ground, taking out her taser and holding it between his legs. “Tell us where the cave is!” she screamed as the gnome, fairies and Gideon all cried out in horror. “Tell us where it is or I swear to God I’ll roast your acorns!”

“The human’s lost it!” one of the fairies roared. “Scatter!”

Frank screamed as he felt the electricity crackle through his clothes, all but one of the terrified fairies flying to safety. “It’s in the Enchanted Forest!” he yelled, tears streaming down his face. “Between the gnome tavern and the bad side! I’ll take you there!”

Pacifica dropped the gnome with a grunt of disgust and stood over him, panting from rage.

“How could you?” Lillyfillia gasped, flying over and putting her hands on Frank’s forehead, the gnome curling into the foetal position and sobbing. “He only wanted his face tickled! Why are you humans so cruel?”

“Oh no,” Pacifica said slowly, the anger fading as she watched the despairing gnome at her feet. “I am so sorry! I don’t know what came over me!”

“Reckon I deserve a bit of an apology too,” Gideon muttered, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Shut up, Gideon,” Pacifica said distractedly. “Listen, Frank…” she reached a hand out to comfort the wailing gnome but he only flinched as her hand approached him. “I’m so sorry. I, look, I’ll make it up to you. My dad’s got some butterfly nets somewhere and a few books on how to collect them. I’ll get Candy and Grenda to help me. I’m sure we can catch plenty for you. But first we need to deal with these sins. What do you say? You help us and then we’ll help you find more butterflies than you can count?”

“Y-you’d do that for me?” he asked hesitantly, still wary of her temper.

“Yeah, it’s the least we can do,” Pacifica agreed. “And if you still want to later, I’ll even help you come up with another way to get revenge on Wendy since it was her idea.”

“He really needed to twist your arm for that,” Gideon commented dryly.

“O-okay,” the gnome said, wiping his eyes and getting to his feet. “But no tricks! I’ve been betrayed before and if you do it again I’ll make sure one of them feral gnomes bites ya and turns you short and hairy! Which personally seems like a good thing to me but you human gals don’t seem to like that for some reason.”

“Deal,” Pacifica agreed with a desperate nod. “Come on, the sooner we help my friends then the sooner we get you your butterflies.”

“I’ve got a question,” Gideon said, clearing his throat. “You two seem like decent friends,” he said, nodding to the gnome and the fairy queen. “She’s small and has the fluttering wings. Why not just ask her to tickle your face instead?”

The two magical creatures exchanged looks of disgust before they faced the boy. “What is wrong with you?” Lillyfillia demanded. “What kind of twisted mind do you have?”

“Now I’m glad that boy ain’t your lover,” Frank said to Pacifica. “Not even a gal as ferocious as you deserves to be with a boy so sick. I pity the poor lady who’ll end up with him.”

“He just gets a bit excited sometimes and takes some getting used to,” Pacifica said slowly. “He’s...not so bad.”

“Didn’t seem to think that way a few minutes ago,” Gideon muttered as they followed the gnome to the cave. But he said it very quietly since she had still come to his defence in the end and he was glad that there was at least one person near his age who didn't think the worst of him. It gave him hope for the future and made it easier to continue his rocky road to redemption.

* * *

_Author's note: Hmm. This piece might not be entirely fluff after all. For one thing, I've wanted to mention the inconsistent phone signal thing for a while now since it could be important later for some stories. I can also just use it as a defence whenever someone asks why didn't they use their phones in that situation/how could they use their phones in a place like that? Well now you know. There was also a bit of potential in some of the dialogue here to work out some kinks in later stories. We'll see. But it was fun to write a chapter that was almost entirely from the POV of side characters. I've no idea whose idea it was to call the cops, but it's just more useful for me if it was Wendy. And it turns out that butterfly trafficking is actually a real crime in some countries. Who knew?_


	4. Chapter 4

“So what kind of traps should we look out for?” Gideon asked as they entered the cave, the humans holding their phones above their heads as lights. 

“Deadly ones,” Frank grunted from the back. “Been a long time since I was last here, memory’s a little foggy. I’ll remember better once we get further in.”

“Shouldn’t you be leading us then?” Pacifica asked, pushing Gideon ahead so that the boy would take most of the cobwebs for her. He had complained about that but she told him it would make up for his repeated slips onto her head when they were climbing down the tree and he had grudgingly relented.

“Nope,” Frank answered, Lillyfillia sitting on his shoulder. “Then I might die. Don’t want that. Don’t mind you two kicking the bucket, though.”

“Gee, thanks,” Pacifica said before Gideon stepped on a pressure plate and series of darts flew out of the wall, the boy yelping as they struck his arm, leg and hand.

“Welp, he’s dead,” Frank said as Pacifica pulled the boy back and checked his hand.

“I ain’t dead!” Gideon snapped. “Just stung my hand is all!”

“Nope, your dead,” Frank said indifferently. “Those darts were poisonous. Kill you in two seconds.” 

They stared at the nervous young boy, Pacifica biting her lip anxiously.

“This is a long two seconds,” Frank commented eventually.

“I feel fine,” Gideon said, peering at the tiny projectile still sticking out of his hand. “Wait a minute…” He plucked the dart from his skin with less pain than a bee sting and considered it. “How long did you say it was since you were last here?”

“Uh, let’s see,” Frank frowned as he struggled to remember, not helped by the difficulty gnomes had with numbers. “Uh, it was right before that big party you threw, Lil, you remember, the one with the honeysuckle you stole from your Mom. When was that?”

“About eighty, a hundred years ago?” Lillyfillia said, thinking hard. “That was a good night.”

“Yeah, didn’t think a poison would last that long, especially not in such little containers,” Gideon said, tossing the dart away. “I reckon we’re safe.”

“I still don't want to get hit, though,” Pacifica said. “Even if they’re tiny that’s still a lot of darts.”

“It’ll be fine," Gideon said, brushing at his punctured sleeve. “My suit’s too thick for these little things to penetrate. I’ll pull it over my head and stick my hands in my pockets. You wrap your jacket around your waist to protect your legs since your leggings are too thin. The darts only hit as high as my shoulder so your face and neck should be fine.”

Pacifica did as he suggested and they walked through it without issue, Frank walking beside Gideon and using him as a shield as they continued.

“Next up is the Tunnel of Death,” Frank explained as the humans brushed at their clothes to remove the darts. “Swinging blades that come out of the walls when you stand on more pressure plates. Builders weren’t too creative.”

“Who built these things anyway?” Pacifica asked.

“Oh, a few people have built places like these,” Lillyfillia explained, cupping her hand to light her cigarette better. “You get the occasional insane ruler among the magical creatures. Kings or queens who decide to hide their magical artefacts behind traps or puzzles as a way of safeguarding them or avoid them being used against them.”

“Why not just use a safe?”

Lillyfillia shrugged. “Just the way it’s done. They go crazy, get their workers to build these death traps or hire someone from the other kingdoms to do it for them, then place these items in things like these. Couple of hundred years pass, the traps are defeated, they eventually end up falling into the hands of the new ruler. Then the next time there’s an evil ruler, they get paranoid about the artefacts being used to dethrone them and the whole thing starts over again.”

“I reckon we’ve found the second trap,” Gideon said, pointing to the small skeletons of several gnomes.

“Ah, the Tunnel of Death,” Frank said, nodding. “Step on the plates and two blades come swinging out. Got to run fast. Here, I’ll show you.” He dropped to all fours and scampered across the floor to the other end.

There was a loud clunking sound and eventually only one large pendulum blade slid out of the wall, sparks flying when the edge of the blade hit the opposite wall, the rotten wood supporting it snapping from the vibrations of the impact and dropping the blade to the floor.

“That’s just shoddy workmanship,” Pacifica said as they waited for the broken trap to settle before walking forward without fear.

“Ain’t these people ever heard of maintenance?” Gideon asked when they reached the end.

“Yeah and who’s going to pay for that?” Lillyfillia said. “These things are expensive enough to set up, never mind having someone come in every month to make sure they’re still working. And that’s assuming the maintenance guy wouldn’t sabotage it to get the item.”

“Now we’ve got the Chasm of Death,” Frank said as they reached a gap in the floor, the gnome peering down into the darkness. “That’s a long drop, even for a full-grown human. We had to take off our belts and buckle them together to swing across using that oddly convenient hooked rock on the ceiling. ‘Cept, there’s only three of us. But I figure that we can make it if we strip naked and tie all our clothes together.”

“I have a better idea,” Pacifica said, grabbing the gnome by his belt and throwing him over. Then she grabbed Gideon by his belt and collar and, with much more difficulty, tossed him over too, despite his complaints. Then she took several steps back and did a running leap to clear the chasm.

“You two are making these deadly traps seem not so deadly,” Frank grunted.

“Not my first rodeo,” Gideon said, getting to his feet and giving Pacifica a stern look. “I’ve had to rely on just my wits to get out of some scrapes before.”

“And I play a lot of video games,” Pacifica said indifferently. “This has nothing on Tomb Raider.”

“Hmm, I see,” the gnome lied. “That explains everything. There’s only one trap left. The Floor of Death. There also used to be a Rock of Death but we activated that last time and nobody’s designed a way to reload boulders yet so we don’t have to worry about that one.”

“A lot of these trap just have ‘of Death’ at the end of their titles,” Pacifica pointed out.

“Yep! Named them myself!” Frank declared proudly. “The Floor of Death is one of those ones where you’ve gotta only step on the right animal mural. Otherwise the floor’ll break under your feet and drop you onto a bunch of sharp spikes.”

“Well which pictures are safe to step on?” Gideon asked as they came to the final trap and considered the different animals carved into the floor.

“Only step on the wolves, cats and snakes,” Frank told him. “All others are certain death.”

“Got it,” Gideon said, taking his first step.

“Or was that the other way round?” Frank pondered as the tile collapsed beneath the boy and dropped him.

“Gideon!” Pacifica cried out in alarm.

“Yep, other way round,” Frank said as the hefty boy became stuck in the hole. “I think.”

“Get me out of here!” Gideon yelled, pushing desperately with his arms to pry himself loose. 

“Lucky you’re so fat,” Pacifica grunted as she reached under his armpits and finally managed to pull the boy free.

“It’s only baby fat!” Gideon snapped.

“Well it’s about time you tried to lose it then, isn’t it!” Pacifica snapped back.

“Or was it that the animals with four legs was dangerous and those with less were safe?” Frank continued, furrowing his brow.

“Why don’t you try that and let us know how it goes?” Pacifica suggested sarcastically.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Gideon said, taking a large stone from the ground and handing it to Lillyfillia. “Here, make yourself useful. Fly to each carving carrying this stone. If it collapses under the weight you can just fly to safety and try again. That way we’ll figure out the pattern.”

“Oh fine,” the fairy queen relented, taking the stone with much effort and flying to the next animal carving. “If it’ll get us out of here sooner.”

With Lillyfillia’s help they managed to figure out that the fish, rabbits and snakes were the safe animals for some reason and continued their journey. “There’s the Rock of Death,” Frank said, nodding to the large boulder that had collided with one of the walls several years ago. “That got the last of my adventuring buddies and almost took we down with them.”

“Sorry about your friends,” Pacifica said.

“S’alright,” Frank shrugged. “That’s just how life is for us gnomes. Predators enjoy the taste of us a whole lot but we’re pretty good at multiplying. I don’t mean math, I mean-”

“We know what you mean,” Pacifica said quickly as they entered the chamber where all those years ago the gnome had found the amulet, now standing bare on a pedestal in the centre of the chamber, a hole in the cave roof giving just enough sunlight to act as a spotlight for the treasure.

“Oh, come on!” Gideon cried in frustration. “What is that?” he demanded, gesturing towards the amulet. “Look at it! It’s on a pedestal! No cage or moat or maze or puzzle to get through - it’s like they wanted someone to take it! At least in museums they hide things behind glass or lock them up at night! And why is there a hole in the ceiling? If I had dynamite I could just find that, blow it up and then grapple down here and take it without needing to worry about traps!”

“Yeah, even I thought that there hole was kind of a dumb idea,” Frank agreed. “But how else could you shine a light on it to make it stand out? Besides, made it much easier to just take the gems and scamper out of here without having to go through those traps again.”

“Why did you just take the gems and not the whole amulet?” Pacifica asked as Gideon continued to fume at the stupidity of the final chamber and took the amulet.

“Too big to go through the hole up there,” Frank explained as they went back the way they came. “‘Sides, thought that way I could sell them to different people. ‘Course, then it turned out they had that issue with the sins and people weren’t willing to buy them if they couldn’t control who got hit by the curses. But I figured I’d keep a hold of them, hopefully someone would come along who’d match the sins and then I’d give them a taste of their own medicine.”

“So why bring Lil into all this?” Gideon asked, nodding to the gnome’s fairy friend.

"Don't call me that."

"Don't call her that," Frank growled menacingly.

"Yeah, don't call her that!" Pacifica snapped, much to the boy's confusion.

"Um, okay. Sorry?" He faltered under their glares. "I apologise for being presumptuous. Um, so why did you bring Lillyfillia into all this?"

“Well, like I said before, I knew Lil had issue with that big guy and this way we’d hit eat two birds with one stone.”

“Kill,” Pacifica corrected him. “It’s kill two birds with one stone.”

“I’d rather eat them but you humans are mighty odd to me.”

Pacifica opened her mouth but Gideon put a hand on her arm. “Gnomes ain’t the brightest, even the smarter ones,” he whispered to her. “We know that their plan has more holes in it than a piece of Swiss cheese that’s been used for target practice but we’ll be here all day if we try and explain it to them. We’ll just agree with them for now, take the amulet, remove the sins and then, if you want, you can explain it all to them after you’ve gotten the man his butterflies. Personally, I wouldn’t waste my breath but that’s up to you.”

“Oh alright,” Pacifica sighed. “Okay, Frank, take us back to the Shack. You do know the way, right?”

“Yep,” Franks said. “Been marked in our history books as the place where that Stan guy helped protect the remnants of gnome kind from destruction. He’s a hero to us.”

“But everyone knows Gran's greedy, if he's a hero then why weren't you worried that the gems would affect him too?” Pacifica demanded.

“‘Cause he’s a jerk!” Lillyfillia spat as Frank nodded. “He made us give him massages and back rubs in exchange for safety and then said he’d eat the gnomes after they ran out of food. And the fairies were probably next!”

“Oh yeah, he did say that.” Pacifica hesitated, recalling Stan’s angry complaints during his time as Chief of the survivors at the Mystery Shack. “I think I might have picked the wrong group to take lessons in morality from,” she quietly said to herself as she considered some of the questionable things that so many of the group had done.

* * *

“Okay, now how about we right an insult on her forehead?” Lillyfillia suggested as Frank finished drawing another scar on Wendy’s face to go along with the beard and moustache.

“Is that permanent marker?” Melody asked suspiciously.

“No, Stan took all those,” Pacifica sighed regretfully. “But I promised to take several pictures and share it with them so that will have to do.”

“I thought you two were getting along better?” the young woman asked her in surprise.

“Well this is mostly her fault,” Pacifica reminded her. “And I’m not totally redeemed.”

“All done!” Frank declared proudly as he finished writing ‘STOOPID’ on the teen’s face.

“I wish I had a facial hair,” Dipper sighed miserably as Pacifica took several pictures with no small amount of satisfaction.

“My man doesn’t need facial hair to be beautiful,” Mabel grinned, stroking Gideon’s chin affectionately, causing him to giggle.

“Glad someone’s enjoying themselves,” Melody grunted as she watched Stan try to take Gideon's watch, Mabel baring her teeth and hissing at him whenever he got too close.

“We’re back!” Candy cried as the girls entered the Shack.

“Ugh, finally, what took you so long?” Pacifica demanded.

“Things have been rough here,” Melody told the duo. “When Gideon left, Mabel returned to normal long enough to somehow keep Stan at bay. But once Gideon arrived she lost all interest in anything but him and even Pacifica’s starting to get frustrated with Dipper’s envy.”

“Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?” Pacifica said, turning red. “Why wouldn’t I be annoyed by him?”

“Please, honey, it is _so_ obvious,” Grenda said in a tone that surprised the blonde. “We all know you have a thing for Dipper.”

“Yes, I recognise the symptoms from when I too was interested in Dipper,” Candy agreed.

“...What?” Pacifica said, turning to the smaller teen with narrow eyes.

“But that is all in the past now,” Candy added quickly, taking a step back. “He flirted with many girls on that trip and it upset me that I was not special to him so I am glad that we didn’t date afterwards. Also, he runs away like a baby and that mostly killed the attraction.”

“Oh,” Pacifica said anxiously, too concerned by the idea of her crush flirting with several girls at once to even pick up the use of the word ‘mostly.’

“Hey, that’s the guy responsible!” Grenda yelled, picking up a magazine rack and preparing to throw it at Frank.

“Mine!” Stan snapped, trying to take it from her with no success.

“Easy, girls,” Melody said, gently easing Soos’s head onto a crumpled shirt before jumping between Grenda and the gnome. “Look, even if you girls didn’t go a bit too far, Soos did accidentally kill this girl’s mother and Stan’s smacked a few other fairies in his time. I think we can all agree that both parties were at least a little in the wrong and things got out of hand, but now we can try and put this all past us. Okay? Good. Now, Frank said we can only suck the sins out when all the stones are glowing and they only do that if their sin is nearby. Where’s Dan?”

“He’s out there,” Grenda said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. “We found him breaking things with his face. We had to hit him with three darts and then find two wheelbarrows to bring him here.”

“Great,” Melody sighed. “Okay, I’ll go get Ford. I'll say we’re doing a science experiment and we can’t do it without him or something.”

“Take this,” Candy said, handing her the tranquiliser gun. “If he doesn’t come willingly just shoot him.”

“Um...okay?” Melody said, taking the weapon with hesitation. “Thanks?”

While she went to trick the scientist, the others stepped outside to where the girls had left the massive, redheaded mass of Daniel Corduroy, snoring loudly as the wheelbarrows barely supported his weight.

“Oooh, so muscular and hairy!” Mabel cried with delight, abandoning a devastated Gideon to appreciate the lumberjack’s huge arms. “Now this is a real man!”

“Hey, I feel your pain,” Pacifica said, putting a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

"I wish I was that big," a morose Dipper sighed as he followed them outside.

“Can we activate the amulet now?” Candy asked Frank.

“Not yet,” the gnome grunted, looking at the magical device. “We reattached the stones but we can only return the sins when all seven are in range. They’ll glow when that happens but so far only - huh.”

“What?” Gideon asked distractedly as he watched Mabel continue to admire the unconscious man. 

“Two ain't lit,” Frank frowned.

“Well, Ford’s down in the lab and Stan’s-”

“No, Stan’s is glowing,” the gnome said, peering at the amulet. “That means there’s another sin missing.”

“It’s the red stone,” Lillyfillia noted, perching on his shoulder. “That’s wrath, isn’t it? I guess you must have the wrong guy.”

“No way!” Grenda said as Candy glanced between the gnome and the unconscious human. “This is definitely Wendy’s dad! The hair is a dead giveaway.”

“I mean, he doesn’t have wrath,” Lillyfilla sighed in exasperation. “Somebody else has that sin.”

“But who else could it be?” Pacifica asked in bewilderment. “He lives and works near the forest and he’s the angriest guy in town! Which is saying something!”

“No he isn’t,” Dipper sighed, staring at the lumberjack and thinking of his own short stature and slim build. “Mr Corduroy might be mad a lot but I’ve seen him happy and grinning plenty of times, even if he doesn’t do it very often. He might be angry ninety percent of the time but there’s one guy who’s enraged ninety-nine percent of the time.”

“Well who’s that?” Pacifica demanded.

“PINES!” a voice screamed and a tall, muscular man stepped forth from the woods, sweat dripping from his tanned skin, his white shorts and red polo shirt ripped in several places.

“Mister Poolcheck,” Dipper said sadly as the others stared at the unstable man. “I wish I had his muscles.”

"I reckon that's the guy with the wrath sin," Frank commented as Gideon grabbed hold of an enraptured Mabel and Pacifica ran back inside.

"Aw gee, ya think?" Grenda snarled as she jumped on Manly Dan's chest and tried to slap him awake.

"Yup, amulet thinks so too," Frank said, failing to notice Lilyfillia slap her forehead behind him.

“YOU DEFILED THE SANCTITY OF MY POOL!” Poolcheck roared, spittle flying. “I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU LET ME DOWN!” He pointed a finger at the miserable teen who didn’t react to the rage in the unstable man’s eyes. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN WHEN I’M DONE I’M GOING AFTER THAT SLACKER CORDUROY! I GAVE HER A CHANCE AND SHE USED ME! SHE BETRAYED THE POOL!”

“Stan and Wendy won’t do a thing!” Pacifica cried out in alarm as she returned outside. “They just don’t care about Dipper anymore!”

“Same here,” Gideon grunted, desperately trying to hold back Mabel, the teen giggling as she watched Poolcheck limp towards her brother.

"Please wake up, Mister Corduroy!" Candy pleaded, emptying several bottles of water on his face. "Protect your daughter and Dipper!"

"He's coming out of it!" Grenda yelled in relief as the lumberjack groaned and blinked at her. "Come on, let's get him on his feet."

“I wish I was as tall and muscular as you,” Dipper sighed as the others struggled to raise the large man, a difficult task even with Grenda's strength.

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH! Poolcheck roared, his face red, the veins on his neck bulging as he got closer and closer to his prey. "YOU SORRY LITTLE EXCUSE FOR AN ASSISTANT LIFEGUARD! TODAY YOU DIE!"

"Almost! There!" Grenda grunted as the teen girls pushed with all their might. "Now!"

With one last surge of strength they finally got Manly Dan to his feet, the lumberjack unsteadily stumbling between the apoplectic man and the teenager.

"Now, Mister Corduroy!" Candy yelled. "Beat him to a pulp for insulting your daughter and Dipper!"

"YOU!" Poolcheck screamed, pointing a finger in the face of the massive man. "YOU'RE CORDUROY'S FATHER! YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE SCUM OF THE EARTH, ABUSING HER POWER WHEN SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENFORCING THE PEACE AT THE POOL! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!"

Manly Dan frowned at the finger, following the arm down to the bright red face that seethed with rage, the teeth gritted as the athletic man frothed at the mouth. Then Dan's eyes rolled back into his head and he toppled over, enveloping the frenzied lifeguard until only his legs were visible.

"That works too," Candy said as Mabel finally broke free of Gideon.

"I'm here, my love!" she cried, squeezing the muscular, kicking legs with glee. "I'll help you and after you kill my brother we can get married!"

"Okay, I'm here!" Ford cried, kicking open the shop door, much to the annoyance of Melody. "Where's this amazing experiment?"

"Welp, that was mighty entertaining but now show's over," said Frank, finally pushing the centre of the amulet.

There was a flash of multi-coloured lights as the sins burst out of the humans, flying over and through them all in desperate search of a host before they were dragged back to the amulet, one at a time. "And seven," Frank finished as he let go of the amulet's centre and the others blinked rapidly to clear their vision. "I think. Everybody themselves?"

The unaffected looked towards those who had been afflicted with the sins, hoping that the adventure was finally over.

"Uh, what happened?" Dipper asked as Ford and Stan looked around in bewilderment. "Why am I back at the Shack?"

"I have a better question," Mabel said, raising one hand and cradling Poolcheck's still leg in her lap. "Why am I holding a dead guy's foot?"

"Ah! Push him off!" Melody yelled, rushing to assist the lifeguard, the men of the Pines family helping despite their own confusion.

"Ugh, where am I?" Poolcheck grunted, wincing as he tried to stand. "Why am I here? And why does my foot hurt?"

"Uh," said Stan, turning to the women and wondering similar questions himself. 

"Must have twisted it on your way here?" Gideon offered, Stan glaring at the presence of his former mortal enemy. "That would explain why it took you such a heck of a long time to get here and the state of your clothes. Now, as for why you are here, I'm sorry to say that-"

"Wait!" said Poolcheck, his head shooting up suddenly. "Do you hear that?"

The humans , the gnome and the fairy all paused, listening as best they could.

Ford cleared his throat. "I don't-"

"Wait, there it is again!" The lifeguard tilted his head to the side, focusing on a sound that only he could hear. "The pool!" he gasped, his eyes widening. "She needs me!" He pushed the older twins out of the way, jumping into the nearby golf cart with the keys still in the ignition, "HOLD ON, BABY!" he screamed as he sped towards his obsession. "DADDY'S COMING!"

"Hey, he just stole the Mystery Cart!" Stan yelled. "You're paying for that!"

"Okay, I have no idea what's been happening," Dipper said as they watched the unstable man drive off, "but I would just like to say that he is probably the scariest thing in all of Gravity Falls." 

The others sighed with relief, glad that the adventure finally seemed to be over, enjoying the peaceful silence before it was broken, suddenly.

“WHY THE HELL AM I WEARING A DIAPER?”

* * *

"Okay, I've apologised," Wendy sighed, wiping the last traces of marker from her face with her sleeve as she re-entered the Shack. "Soos is still out there with Mabel, the girls, that stupid fairy and that even stupider gnome. Soos won't stop apologising, Abuelita and Lilly-whatever's trying to tell him it's okay and I've agreed to collect one hundred butterflies for that damn gnome. The girls are discussing the best way to collect the bugs so I decided it's best to let them sort that part out."

"You don't seem very sorry for someone who's just apologised," Pacifica commented.

"I literally crapped myself today," Wendy growled. "Because of them. I don't care what I did, that is just messed up. Even Mendez wouldn't sink that low for a punishment!"

"What were you thinking, Wendy?" Melody sighed, shaking her head at the cashier. "Why'd you do all that to Frank?"

"I don't know!" Wendy said, throwing her arms in the air and avoiding the woman's disappointed gaze. "I just - it was a hard day, Frank was a creep and I thought...I thought it would be fun," she admitted. "Like in one of those stupid cop shows, you know? I didn't mean for anyone else to get hurt."

"It's okay," Dipper said with a shrug. "You didn't plan on it and everybody's apologised. I mean, remember that time the Shack was trashed because Stan vandalised all those other tourist traps?"

Wendy grimaced. "Do I ever. He made me clean up most of it while he went searching for Soos!"

"Yeah, I still feel bad about forgetting him," Stan admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "Poor kid was like a lost dog. Yeesh!"

"Do I want to know?" Melody asked Ford.

"Probably not," Ford sighed. "I've learned that my inquisitive nature can just lead to problems when it comes to this family. But we have a more pressing issue," he added, showing them the amulet with all of the gems. "Only six of the gems seem to have the sin inside them. One is still out there."

"Oh great!" Stan rolled his eyes as the others groaned. "Which is it?"

"Um, the blue one."

"Oh, the _blue_ one!" Stan rolled his eyes again. "I meant which sin, genius!"

"Wait, it was blue that hit Mabel," Pacifica said with a frown. "That means it's lust."

"Well that can't be right, I just saw Mabel and she wasn't doting over Gideon," Wendy said.

Melody shook her head. "No, those sins were flying all over the place when they were being sucked back in. I guess Frank must have miscounted (no surprise, really) and lust just found someone else before it was trapped."

"Well why aren't any of us going gaga over anybody?" Stan demanded.

"It didn't hit Mabel at first either," Pacifica reminded them. "I mean, she was fine until she actually saw Gideon in the flesh and Dipper was okay until he saw Grenda lift the chest. I think the sins need to be activated first before they take over? "

"Yeah, that makes sense," Melody said, nodding. "You guys all started acting odd at different times. Soos first, then Stan, then Wendy, then Ford. If they didn't need that spark of sin it should have hit you all at once."

"Great," Dipper groaned. "Now we just need to wait and see who's acting creepy. If it's hit Gideon we are in serious trouble."

Wendy sighed, turning away from him and bending over slightly to peer out the door window. "Other guys are acting normal," she noted.

There was a loud slap and Wendy jerked bolt upright, her face red.

"Woo yeah!" Dipper yelled, throwing his arms in the air as four jaws dropped. "Still the best seat in the house! Whatever you're eating, never stop! That thing is just too good!" His eyes canvassed the rest of her body. "Pity the top half doesn't match," he sighed, the Stans taking an instinctive step back as they saw the redhead twitch. "Now Pacifica, on the other hand..." Dipper wolf-whistled as the blonde turned red and crossed her arms over her chest. "Man, puberty has been good to you!" he grinned. "Seriously, if I could mix and match you two, I would-"

Melody grabbed the amulet from Ford's hand and pressed the button on the centre, the blue light flying from the teen and into the corresponding gem.

"What happened?" Dipper murmured, putting a hand to his head as Pacifica zipped up her jacket and Wendy walked away from the door. "Why do I feel so flushed?"

"It's okay, sweetie," Melody said quickly, gently easing him out of the shop. "We'll just step outside where it's safe and get some fresh air."

Wendy took several deep breaths to calm herself in the heavy silence that followed. When she was ready she turned to the men in the room, neither able to look at the girls. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone I will find you," she promised them. "And then I will _cut_ you."

"I...think I left an experiment running in my lab," Ford said quickly, rapidly punching in the code to open the vending machine.

"Yeah, and I, uh..." Stan hesitated, trying to think of something to say. "Uh...Bye!" he said, running after his brother and swinging the secret entrance shut.

Wendy grunted, satisfied that they would keep their mouths shut and knowing that Melody would do the same. She turned to Pacifica and saw the younger teen, holding herself awkwardly as she bit her lip. "Hey, you okay?" Wendy asked her quietly.

"I...yeah," she managed, trying to shrug it off. "It's just...I didn't think Dipper was like that," she said quietly.

"Oh," Wendy said, looking out the window to where Melody had taken her friend and saw that he was now standing next to his twin as they spoke to Gideon. "Well, he's not. Usually. I mean, you told me how Mabel acted. I bet if Gideon were older she would've tried other stuff too. Heck, she tried to pat down my dad!" Wendy added with a disgusted frown.

"Hm," Pacifica said, sounding unconvinced. "But Candy said he had flirted with a bunch of girls and-"

Wendy burst out laughing, her shoulders shaking. "Dipper? Flirting?" She laughed again, harder. "Oh come on, he gets freaked out if a girl stands too close to him! I mean, one time he was on my bra and-"

"What?" Pacifica snapped, her eyes narrowing.

"Relax, dude, we were on my bed-"

"What?" Pacifica said, hurt and horror in her eyes.

"Watching movies! We were watching movies! Geez, learn to stop being so jealous!" They scowled at each other for am moment before Wendy sighed and removed her trucker cap, making sure there wasn't any marker on it. "Listen, Pacifica...I wasn't always good with boys. I've always been tall, I used to dress funny and wear braces and pigtails. Guys wouldn't give me the time of day. Then all that changed, almost overnight. Felt that way, anyway. Suddenly guys were noticing me and I felt great about myself for a change. Then I started to realise that the looks were all they cared about, they didn't give a damn about me. Even those that thought they did, they were attracted to the idea of me more than the reality. And I'm not much better. If a guy isn't taller than me then I'll just shut them down, doesn't matter how decent they are. Too many girls say they want a nice guy but when one asks them out they turn him down. Boys are just the same, we all want someone who's nice and hot and smart and funny all at the same time and even when that happens, all of those stupid romantic movies and books set their expectations too high. I mean, Mabel was obsessed with boys last summer and while she kept going on and on about romance, it was really only guys she liked the look of. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it's human nature to judge a book by its cover. Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. For all one side complains about the other we're both just as bad. I've kind of rambled on a bit but what I'm saying is that Dipper's no more like that than Stan is someone to worry about money while his family's in danger. Stan would give up everything he had to save Dipper and Mabel, he even did it once! So Dipper's not a jerk. He cares about how people treat others, not how they look. If he did, we wouldn't be such good friends. We've all got urges, especially teenagers. And despite all the cool things Dipper has done...sometimes it's easy to forget that he's just a bundle of nerves and hormones, just like any other awkward fourteen-year old."

"I...you're right," Pacifica admitted. "Thanks, Wendy. That wasn't Dipper, not really. He's not like that. Just like you're not the kind of person to just sit back while your friend's in danger."

Wendy clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Northwest," she said, her voice strangely quiet. "I'm glad you think so."

* * *

Gideon watched silently as they talked amongst themselves, feeling like an outsider. It was a familiar feeling, for so long he thought himself above others, even Mabel when she had rejected them. But this time it didn't give him a sense of satisfaction, only a feeling of cold loneliness that he had almost forgotten. He saw Melody usher Dipper out of the Shack to join the others, even Lillyfillia and Frank settling in with apparent ease as they discussed how to collect butterflies and how the girls had managed to subdue Wendy's father, the lumberjack gone now that Ford had quickly created an antidote and called a friend to collect the still drowsy man.

He watched his mother talk to Soos' Abuelita and sighed at how well they were getting along. On one hand, it was good to see his mother talk to someone, maybe even make a friend. On the other hand, it just made his seclusion even more apparent.

"Hey, Gidoen!" he turned in surprise to see Mabel and Dipper approach him, the brother slightly red in the face. "What'cha doin' over here? Why not join us?"

"Uh, I - I wasn't sure if-" he stammered.

"Hey, you helped Pacifica out and thought of a way to solve that floor puzzle," Dipper said with a shrug. "That was pretty cool of you."

"Yeah, you were a part of this adventure," Mabel told him. "That means you join in the fun afterwards too, no matter how late into it you were."

"Heh, well, y'all can just think of me as a back-up Dipper," he joked.

His smile faltered as he saw a strange look come over Dipper's face and Mabel flinch. "There is no back-up Dipper," Mabel said, her voice tinged with guilt. "There's only Dipper. So don't sell yourself short!" she said, punching his shoulder in a painful yet affectionate way and grinning. "Anyway, I wanted to thank you for not taking advantage of me when I was under that spell," she added.

"Oh, " he said, faltering slightly as he remembered the elation he had felt when she had hugged him and whispered in his ear. "Um, actually, I, er I may have let you get away with a bit too much - I mean, I didn't try too hard at times and-"

"Oh well!" Mabel shrugged. "Hey, I know how stubborn I can be when it comes to love. I doubt anyone could stop me if I really go full-out."

"God knows, I've tried," Dipper muttered, receiving an elbow in the ribs for that comment.

"And I also wanted to see if you were free this weekend," Mabel added as Dipper scowled at her and rubbed his side. "Me and the girls were planning on gathering those butterflies for Frank and I thought you might want to tag along?"

"Oh, really?" he asked hopefully. "I mean, if your friends don't mind-"

"They won't," she promised him. "We all played our part. Right now it's just me, Grenda, Candy and Wendy. And now you. Dipper doesn't want to come, he's pretending he has better things to do than chase butterflies-"

"That's because I do!"

"But I might be able to convince Pacifica to come too. What do you say? Just us girls?"

"Sure!" Gideon said, gleefully. "But I'm not a girl!" he added with a snap.

"You're an honorary girl!" Mabel declared pulling him into a hug. "Welcome to the club!" she told the surprised boy.

Dipper sighed as he watched Gideon hesitantly lift his arms to return the hug, seeing a bit too much of himself in that sudden awkwardness. "Welcome to the club," the honorary girl told him.

THE END

* * *

_Author's note: Gideon was a lot easier to write this time around. Which is good because I'm not done with him. This story was also more fun to write than I first thought it would be, even if the humour was childish at some points. But I've never claimed to be mature. On a side note,_ _I like to imagine that the gang have a few minor romps between some of my stories, just like how the show hinted at adventures between episodes. Otherwise, it would be a relatively boring summer. But these adventures wouldn't just be sci-fi or magical, they would include simple fun with their friends and families; Wendy and Dipper movie nights, Stan, Mabel and Grenda watching Ducktective, Ford, Dipper, McGucket and maybe the occasional other person playing Dungeons, Dungeons and more Dungeons, Mabel playing with Waddles and having sleepovers with her girlfriends (much to Dipper's annoyance)._ _I'm only mentioning this because there's going to be a time-jump of about a month for my next story and I don't want you thinking nothing happens in that time. I originally tried to stretch these stories out to cover the time they spent in the Falls but I quickly threw that idea out the window when I realised most of my stories take place over just one or two days and I wasn't keeping to my schedule as well as I thought. Maybe I'll have characters mention things that happen off-screen, I like jokes like that. In regards to time, I'll just be vague and mention things like the twins have been back for a week, a month, there's only two weeks till their birthday, they leave tomorrow, stuff like that. But it was nice to just write a fun little story for a change, nothing serious, not even that big a threat. (Okay, Poolcheck is terrifying but he basically twisted his ankle straight away, marching all that distance to find Wendy and Dipper and if they were in their right minds they could easily have outrun him.) There's also no absolute guide to the colour of the deadly sins, there are so many different versions, but here's the one I used:_

_Sloth (white)-Wendy_

_Wrath (red)- Poolcheck_

_Envy (green)- Dipper_

_Pride (purple) - Ford_

_Greed (yellow)- Stan_

_Lust (blue)- Mabel_

_Gluttony (orange) - Soos_

_I'm only putting this here because I'm the kind of reader who likes lists like this, even when it isn't necessary. That, and I might bring the amulet back at some point, who knows? But the next story involves the return of Jenna Myles and her s_ _cheme._ _I'm looking forward to that one._


End file.
